I do this because it is a RIGHT not a PRIVILEGE …..

I am often asked why I do what I do. It’s simple really; I believe. I believe that I am no better nor worse than any other person, and we are all entitled to live our lives as we see fit. We each of us, feed an eco-system, and it is neither right nor wrong in how you choose to live your life.

I do this because I believe in my children. I believe that my son has the right to live his life in full joy and equality, and it is not for me or any other to determine where he finds true love, nor is it for me to judge. Like my other children under normal circumstances, I want my son to live his life to the fullest, having every imaginable benchmark and experience in full authenticity of who he is. Dating openly. Falling in love miraculously and openly. Getting engaged in celebration, openly. Getting married before God and Community, openly. Having children, experiencing the life cycle in all of its splendor, openly. Parenting as same sex parents, openly. Living life in full abundance of love and acceptance, openly.

So we sought ways to lead by example, and to take a stand by action for our belief’s and our dreams for our son. We have 3 amazing children, and 1 extraordinary story. We dream of holidays, and birthdays, with a long table surrounded by children, grandchildren, in-laws and outlaws! We dream of our children experiencing this extraordinary journey in full serendipitous splendor and abundant joy, and it is through our love and our commitment and support of their endeavor to each be genuine and authentic to themselves, and living their lives in the same way.

The first project was www.gayweddingmexico.com.  In March 2010, Mexico recognized lawfully the right to civil partnership in matrimony and same sex unions became nationally legal.  In allegiance to Mexico, www.gayweddingmexico.com launched on the web, and became the first Mexico Gay and Lesbian, Bi Sexual and Transgender resource for destination Weddings, travel and service for Mexico. Offering everything from private rock star villas in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico with all the bells and whistles to the quaint apartamento in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico, PROMESA, and www.gayweddingmexico.com sought to open the doors to extraordinary, creating a legacy for our son.

Following this project I launched STANDING UP STRONG, a blog that endeavors to share the journey of life with extraordinary circumstances. Highlighting the experience of raising an LGBT teen, and taking a stand as a parent to champion for the children, http://www.wordpress.STANDINGUPSTRONG.com empowers young kids, and adults alike to find personal strength, understanding, insight, forgiveness and humor to make a difference. To share the journey and rally for the underdog, we each have a story and something to share, that something could be the pivotal thing someone else needs to gather their own strength. Life takes endurance and strength, no matter who you are. I gather my strength because I know I make a difference every day, to someone, somewhere. I believe therein lies the meaning of it all. To teach one another creating evolution is the meaning of life.

We prepare now to launch another LGBT project that will reach millions eventually and create a stronger community for tomorrow. We are in the final stages of preparation and excited will issue an announcement for a launch in the very near future. We are making a difference each and every day for both the LGBT youth and adults, and future of the community.

I do this, because I am a mother of three extraordinary children. Each child is unique, each beautiful, each brilliant and exceptional, and each in right of living life in abundance and equality. I do not have a favorite child; I love them equally, and feel that they each should live their lives equally. It’s a right, not a privilege.

 

 

Raising Children Differently, REALLY?????

I asked my daughter to write her own page in the blog, because she is remarkably strong and an amazing writer and story teller. What I didn’t see coming was the content. So of course, as any mother would, I got my ego and pride bruised by her post, and wallowed in tears of disappointment for days. I let her down and failed her.   

It took me a couple of days to recover from her post, and assimilate the message, understanding what she was trying to say, at what seemed to me to be my expense.  I shed tears, turned myself inside out, ranted and raved and carried on trying to process and of course going through the many stages of regret, shame, remorse and pain in the knowledge that I had somehow hurt my child in my attempt to be “a good mother”.

She wrote about being “grown now” and I laughed. At 18, while the law says you are an adult, in truth, you are hardly more than a child still with much to learn and I discovered again, I was angry, sad, resentful, appalled and more in re-reading her “grown” approach and reflection of her childhood.

Paige expounded on the idea that she was raised by a “different” mother, than the one my son has, feeling that my approach to him was somehow better than the one with her. Perhaps in being honest with myself, she is right. I did and continue to raise them. communicate with them, and approach them much differently. They are not the same child. They are not cookie cutters of one another, and they have different personality traits, requiring a different “mother”, so to speak. She is her mother’s daughter. She is stubborn, and opinionated. She is a bull in a china shop and when she walks into the room, she is present, and vivacious and the room stops to notice. It is part of her aura, part of her charisma and who she is. She can be loud, and she can be boisterous and she doesn’t just “step in” to any situation, but plunges in. She forgets the laughter and the joy and the jokes and the music.

As she arrived into the world, so does she walk through it. Paige was born by C-Section, and I had a general anesthetic. Needless to say, there were hours between Paige coming in and my coming out of the deep sleep. When I did, I could hear that child hollering and wailing and carrying on from the recovery room to the nursery. I recall my husband coming in to see me and telling me that she had been screaming inconsolably for 2 solid hours while they waited for me to recover from the anesthetic and gather my wits about me. They wheeled the gurney into the nursery, and laid that screaming, red, teary, wailing baby on my chest, and as if a switch had been turned to the off position, she immediately went quiet, closed her little eyes and fell into a deep sleep finally at peace.  For the next few years, like clockwork, every day at 5:10pm, a time we now affectionately refer to as “the witching hour”, Paige would set off into this torrent of wailing, and woe for an hour, hollering and crying and getting every thing out of her little system. Some call it too much stimulation, my grandmother used to tell me there was simply more room on the outside, but me, I knew she had a temper and something to say, and we were going to hear it whether we wanted to, or not.   In my mind, this is called “Spirit”.  I realized recently that this very same personality was the one my own parents were dealt the day I arrived, and like my child I too had to be heard at all costs, and would not relent until I was.  She forgets the humor and the stories and the occasions we snuggled and giggled until we cried.

Paige remembers her middle school years as angry. I was, according to her, menacing and punishing and ruthless in my attempt to discipline and teach her. I “screamed” a lot and intimidated her and ruled her by “fear”. In truth, I remember those years much differently and they came with the typical pre-teen and teen girl issues of hormone’s and fluctuating moods, manipulation and let’s face it, the standard tales and stories a child weave’s to achieve an end goal. I didn’t lose my temper for no reason, I lost it for valid ones, and frankly speaking, were I not the only disciplinarian in her life, it might have been a different story had I had help. But the truth is, I didn’t. I was it. Because of this, I got the bad rap.  But in those years she learned there are consequences to choices right or wrong. She learned that there were boundaries and conditions that had to be met. She learned that tall tales, omissions and dishonesty as a child is prone to attempt, warranted restrictions and loss of privileges and consequences. She also forgets in her need to make sense and rationalize those years, and the hard learning done, the joyful “light” moments full of music, events. surprises, travel, and experiences in which we were close, and she was my mini me and best friend. She forgets the accomplishments and the cheering and the relentless “YOU CHOSE WHO YOU ARE GOING TO BE AND YOU CAN BE ANYONE AND ANYTHING YOU WANT” and she forgets the simple moments in which I championed for her cause and assured her that she was perfect and beautiful and amazing in every imaginable way.  I remember her first snowboard lesson and the day she was terrified to snowboard the mountain, and I coaxed her all the way down the mountain until we got to the bottom. All the way cheering her, while she cried and screamed and wailed and carried on at me for all my “mean-ness”, until at last we reached the bottom and I told her to look up to the top. I remember saying “PAIGE! I am soooooo PROUD OF YOU! Look at what you did! You conquered this!”  Paige’s smile will forever be ingrained in my memory. “MOMMA!  I wanna do it again!!!!”.  Today she is a snowboarding junkie.

Every woman knows that the chemistry between mother and daughter is tumultuous for a time and the irritations and anger and frustration is extraordinary while the child endures the rights of passage every girl goes through physically. I can remember with clarity telling everyone I knew who warned me that the child I adored and with whom I was so honest and close to, would change and I would find myself on the outside of her world looking in, wondering why suddenly I went from pedastal to gutter…..I would roll my eyes and laugh and tell these people I was doing it right, I was different and I was laying the foundation for a healthy happy relationship with my daughter. I read books and sought counsel and worked to forge the relationship to ensure that it would not be compromised as I was led to believe by my own peers. In the end, she woke up one morning, and resented me, and I came tumbling down with a crack on the pavement and an ache in my soul that years later, still lingers while we sort this mess out between Mother and Daughter.

I learned recently that I was also repeating patterns. We operate and function from a place called a MAP. It is laid with the stories and experiences of our own lifetime’s and parent child experiences and it is the basis or manual we work from to make choices when the roles shift and we become the parent. I took the maps of my parents with me, and in some cases went to the other extreme and in more cases repeated the patterns. I wasn’t any more successful than they were and the results were the same. While I believe I have reason to resent my parents and work on anger, I do not believe in the big picture called BALANCE that the experiences of my child warrant her resentment, because I was fully engaged, always present and the biggest fan she had. I didn’t miss much in school, and made every effort to be all in all the time. This was not my childhood. By the same token, I realized that the skills I brought to the table to rear her, were in fact heavy handed and harsh in delivery ultimately when pushed far. But she did push far. And although right in some aspects to the consequences of the actions, she forgets the leniency and care given to the benefit of the doubt before the “wrath of MOM” for the final discovery of a child making poor choices.  She was not and never has been, nor is she a child prone to bad behavior. She simply made some poor choices.  There is a distinction.

I still work with myself to seek the truths and accuracies in her recollection of the experiences and work to understand her feelings. They are justified because it is how she feels and at the end of the day we are all entitled to how we feel. At the same time, I work to help her understand who she was. and the choices she was making at the time to understand why the response she got was what it was. I did not beat my child. I did not assault my child. I called her out on character choices lacking in morality and I have been known to call her a spoiled brat from time to time. I have also balanced with the time and energy to talk to her about the experiences, and share with her the reasons and reassure her that I love her and I am proud of her every single day.

Its hard to wake up one day and have a child “hate” you. I know in truth she never really hated me, but couldn’t help her raging emotions and fluctuating moods, but my heart and my head speak different languages every day. Especially where it concerns my children. They are each different. I am not raising my son any differently than my daughter, although she feels I am, because the challenges and experiences are completely different. She references losing everything, it all being taken away for discipline and 2000 miles away has no idea that my son lost all computer access for irresponsible public posts on his Face book wall. I suppose perception is everything when you are removed and get only part of the story. Additionally, there is a different type of response from him than I had from her. She would ball her fists and set those blue eyes and settle in to fight, resulting in a pissing contest, and he, to be told he made a poor choice, is remorseful and sullen and sensitive and pained just by the words “you let me down” …..Where her inclination is to respond with “tough!” his is to respond with tears.   How do you raise them the same, if the response is completely different??? LOL

I try to remember that this too will pass. I try to rationalize that one day she will be a mother and these will be her experiences and the phone will ring as she has her epiphanies and tries to navigate this incredibly challenging road of parenthood. We all scar our children in some way. Its the human condition. But every day, even from 2000 miles away, I find that I am irrevocably and relentlessly proud of who she is and who she is becoming. Every day I wait for her heart to come back to me, and for her anger to subside as she reconciles that in truth, she didn’t have it so bad. I did not after all chase her around the house with a wooden spoon or hurl hateful epithets or verbal abuse at her. Perhaps I slipped and some questionable language erupted from me, I am human. But she cannot ever deny that she has been loved with relentless adoration, passion, empathy and commitment at all costs by me, her mother. I am proud of her, even of her post, although I might resemble Joan Crawford’s MOMMY DEAREST, because she is who she is and she is perfect as God intended. I love her without condition, and no matter what. Even when it hurts, because she is my child, a part of me and irreplaceable. She is my life, my world and my heart. She is the song in my soul, for all the good, bad and everything in between. She is MY daughter. Beautiful, difficult, argumentative, irrational and joyful. She is MY daughter silly, goofy, funny and amazing. She is MY daughter, accomplished in her own right, talented, brilliant and remarkable, and I would not for one minute trade her for anyone or anything else in the world. I love her to the Moon and Back, can forgive her anything, and will be there no matter what until the day I die. I stand up strong for my mistakes, and hers. I love her relentlessly and this will never change.

 

 

LGBT KIDS, MEAN GIRLS AND TOO GAY????? WTH?

As I navigate this road I am astounded by the perspectives of those who are gay, those who are not, the kids and teens who identify and how they identify and find myself scratching my head with greater frequency.

I have been addressing an issue with my son and his “fit” in the local High School. Having recently transferred from California to Texas, and obviously a LGBT youth, I expected some issues but not the ones I find myself confronting and championing. While it is assumed that Texas, the Good Ole” Boys state would be the least likely place to encounter LGBT acceptance, the reality is, he is not being bullied or encountering issues with straight kids but instead with the other LGBT teens, of which this High School has many.

It seems that my son is deemed “too Gay”, ” too effeminate”, and simply put, discovering that socializing among his own community is proving difficult.  This was astounding to me and frankly preposterous.

“What the F%#@????!”   was my immediate response when I learned of the social hardships and unkindness.  I feel trapped in a scene from “Mean Girls” and ill-equipped to understand or make right a situation that is very, very wrong.  While I stood there listening to this young man (not mine) elaborate on the dis-likeable traits of my son, such as too girly, too feminine, too OUT and the justification that my son is living Gay as a lifestyle as opposed to this kid’s “character and personality trait” I found that for the first time I was speechless and dangerous all at the same time. A mother’s first instinct is to attack the aggressor ( frankly I wanted to haul this young man in front of a mirror and ask him if he preferred to be the POT or the Kettle today?) There he stood, with that Justin Bieber/Donald Trump comb-over no one ever imagined would be fashionable, in matching red t-shirt and red ked’s and freshly pressed skinny jeans and wondered if this kid really knew what he was saying?  I am discovering in this amazing OUT world through my child, that kids, regardless of sexual orientation, are just plain cruel.

So I ask the question, is there a difference between Gay and “Too Gay”?  What does that mean exactly?  Why would these kids not bond and form community choosing to be at odds instead, in this world of equality and defusing hate crimes and bullying?  Is that other child really convinced that he is “different” and in some way superior to my son? What is the sense behind “Character trait” vs “lifestyle”?

I see so much coming at me as a parent, and like all parents, worry, fret and stress over the happiness and childhood experiences of my children. Childhood should last as long as possible and be joyful and memorable and fun…..so when you think you have done right by your child, and you are helping him or her build their community and discover that even today in this world of equality and change that instead of bonding and becoming a force to be reckoned with, they are at odds and still unkind to one another for petty reasons such as the shirt they wear, the speech patterns or characteristics it makes a parent want to SCREAM!

I am at a loss on this one. I rally for the child, in the meantime, let him know that in the world there are the real and the superficial and the unkind everywhere, but there is also kind, real and genuine and finding those people are the gift of the everyday wonders of life……WHY was I not issued a manual when that stork dropped by???????

 

WHAT IS A BULLY?

What is a Bully?

 

When does it cease to be “kids will be kids” and becomes active bullying? Having been the victim of bullying in school, as early as elementary school, and as recently as a couple of years ago as an adult, in the work place, I am far too familiar with bullying and the various forms bullying can take.

So when is it officially “bullying”?

Well let’s break it down:

PHYSICAL BULLYING:

The most obvious and familiar is Physical Bullying. This involves bodily contact between aggressor and victim for the purpose of intimidation and control. The characteristics include kicking, punching, biting, hitting, scratching, wrestling until the victim is submissive and incapable of retaliation. Weapons are included in this, as they can be used to further the campaign against the victim and pose a threat of lethal force and further bodily harm.

VERBAL BULLYING: This pattern interfere’s with the healthy emotional state and development of another person. This is an onslaught of words that are demoralizing, involve name calling, suggests a character assassination, and can be more damaging than physical bullying because the emotional scars last a lifetime. The act of intimidating the victim to believing the words to be true regardless of how derogatory or far-fetched is the verbally abusive bully. During intense verbal abuse, the victim is dominated until submissive and as a result of the words used and now the victims imposed self perception can cause clinical depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. Despite the fact that it is the most common type of abuse, verbal abuse is generally not taken as seriously as other forms of abuse, because there is no visible proof. In my personal experience most recently I was the target of this bully. While the words were not ever said to me directly, instead in a passive aggressive attempt the bully intimidated, using work and hours as leverage, her subordinates in a hate campaign against me. Her words to others were hurtful, and contrived and I was therefore isolated and ultimately forced out of the company. While I tried to blow the whistle on my bully and illustrated through official company documentation that she was in fact orchestrating the campaign, I was “shooed away” and the matter was covered up and I was dismissed. In reality, whether direct or indirect, moderate to severe cases of verbal abuse (especially in which the victim is under constant attack) can be more detrimental to a person’s health than physical abuse.

Interestingly, studies show that verbal abuse starting from a young age contributes to inferiority complex, machismo attitudes, and other negative behaviors that plague many people into senior age.These instigate social challenges and outcasts or breeds bullies for the survival of the fittest.

 

CYBER BULLYING is the use of  Internet, cell phones or other devices to send or post text or images intended to hurt or embarrass another person. Cyber-bullying can be as simple as continuing to send e-mail to someone who has said they want no further contact with the sender, and continues however, cyber-bullying includes threats, sexual remarks, pejorative labels such as HATE SPEECH,  ganging up on victims by making them the subject of ridicule in forums, chat spaces, open social media platforms, tweeting, and posting false statements as fact aimed at humiliation. Cyber-bullies may disclose victims’ personal data (e.g. real name, address, or workplace/schools) at websites or forums or may pose as the identity of a victim for the purpose of publishing material in their name that defames or ridicules them. Some cyber-bullies may also send threatening and harassing emails and instant messages to the victims, while others in again, a passive aggressive manner, will post rumors or gossip and instigate others to dislike and gang up on the target. According to research, boys initiate mean online activity earlier than girls do. However, by middle school, girls are more likely to engage in cyber-bullying than boys do. Whether the bully is male or female, their purpose is to intentionally embarrass others, harass, intimidate, or make threats online to one another. This bullying occurs via email, text messaging, posts, videos, blogs, and micro and web sites.

Definition: emotional abuse or mental abuse, is a form of abuse characterized by a person subjecting or exposing another to behavior that may result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder. Such abuse is often associated with situations of power imbalance, such as abusive relationships, bullying, child abuse and in the workplace

 

There is a strong link between bullying and suicide, as suggested by recent bullying-related suicides in the US and several other countries. The statistics on bullying and suicide are alarming:

• Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in about 4400 deaths per year, according to the CDC. For every suicide among young people, there are at least 100 suicide attempts. Over 14 percent of high school students have considered suicide, and almost 7 percent have attempted it
• Bully victims are between 2 to 9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, according to studies by Yale University
• A study in Britain found that at least half of suicides among young people are related to bullying
• 10 to 14 year old girls may be at even higher risk for suicide, according to the study above
• According to statistics reported by ABC News, nearly 30 percent of students are either bullies or victims, and 160,000 kids stay home from school every day because of bullying.

 

There are resources to help you if you believe your child is being victimized. If you don’t Stand Up for your child who will?

 

http://www.pacer.org/bullying/

HISTORY OF PACER CENTER

When PACER was established in 1977, it began with one project: Parents Helping Parents. Then as now, PACER was staffed primarily by parents of children with disabilities dedicated to educating other parents and improving the lives of children with disabilities throughout Minnesota. With a small grant from the Minnesota Department of Education, PACER conducted a five-month pilot project and demonstrated the effectiveness of the “parents helping parents” model.   

Although today PACER offers more than 30 programs for parents, students, professionals and other parent organizations, the original philosophy of “parents helping parents” remains the foundation upon which PACER has grown. Whether addressing the issues of early childhood or assisting youth in making the transition from high school to work, parents on PACER’s staff share their experiences and their knowledge with others so that all Minnesota’s children with disabilities may have a better future.

A look at the past 30 years shows the commitment and some of the accomplishments of PACER friends, boards and other volunteers and staff who have worked hard to make a difference in the lives of children with disabilities and their families.

 

http://www.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/all/home/index.htm

GLSEN

GLSEN works with educators, policy makers, community leaders and students on the urgent need to address anti-LGBT behavior and bias in schools. GLSEN strives to protect students from bullying and harassment, to advance comprehensive safe schools laws and policies, to empower principals to make their schools safer, and to build the skills of educators to teach respect for all people.

http://www.welcomingschools.org/teachable-moments/

WELCOMING SCHOOLS

Teachable moments are opportunities to move one step closer to creating welcoming schools for all children and families.  Imagine scenarios like these:

• A student walks by your classroom and says, “That’s so gay!” to her friends.
• You overhear one student say to another, “How can he be your father? The color of his skin is so different than yours!”
• Your son asks you “What does gay mean?” while you sit down for dinner.
• “How could a mother give up her child?” asks a student during a discussion about adoption.     

Without forethought, these topics may catch us by surprise because they are not often discussed.  Practicing age-appropriate responses to students’ questions and reviewing the necessary terminology helps all of us take advantage of these teachable moments. With preparation, these moments can actually help us improve a school’s environment.

http://www.glbtqonlinehighschool.com/

GLBTQ ONLINE HIGH SCHOOL

Imagine a school where you can be you. Where your friends share similar experiences and similar questions. Where you can get a high quality education while receiving comprehensive support from adults and peers. Where all staff members genuinely want to work with you. Because of who you are. Even if you’re not sure.

Welcome to GLBTQ Online High School, the world’s first online high school specifically for glbtq youth. Our mission is to provide a safe and welcoming educational community that proides a high quality, comprehensive college-preparatory online high school experience for students who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender youth, or those questioning their sexuality or gender, and others.

http://www.youthline.ca/

LESBIAN GAY BI TRANS YOUTH LINE CANADA

The Lesbian Gay Bi Trans Youth Line is a toll-free service provided by youth for youth.  We’re here to offer support, information and referrals specific to your concerns.  We are here because we want to be there for you – to be part of your community.  We may not have lived your experiences exactly, but we can probably relate. We too, are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, two-spirit or queer.  

No question is too silly, no problem too serious.  We may not have all the answers, but we’re here to listen and we’ll do our best to help you find the resources you need.  We are sex positive and non-judgemental. We’re here to help youth who are 26 and under who live anywhere in Ontario.

 

 

 

 

http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

WE SAVE LIVES

THE TREVOR LIFELINE – 866-4-U-TREVOR  [U.S. CALLS ONLY]      

The Trevor Lifeline is the only nationwide, around-the-clock crisis and suicide prevention lifeline for LGBTQ youth. The Trevor Lifeline is a free and confidential service that offers hope and someone to talk to, 24/7. Each year, tens of thousands of calls are fielded from young people across the country. The Trevor Lifeline is accredited as an exemplary crisis intervention program by the American Association for Suicidology (AAS).

http://community.pflag.org/claimyourrights

PFLAG

Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is a national non-profit organization with over 200,000 members and supporters and over 500 affiliates in the United States. This vast grassroots network is cultivated, resourced and serviced by the PFLAG National Office, located in Washington, D.C., the national Board of Directors and 13 Regional Directors.

 

Standing Up Strong is dedicated to helping you to stand up strong for yourself and your child. We are committed to providing excellent resources and valuable information to help you make great choices for yourself and your child. Its a place where gathering your strength is encouraged and when you think you haven’t any strength, you find some encouragement to muster some. Strength comes with conviction of the heart.

Bullying hurts, no matter who you are or how old you are. Your strength is what will overcome the situation. Finding Strength in your Community who Genuinely Cares is invaluable.

 

 

MY SECRET……the Hippo and the Tortoise, a love story.

“Much of life can never be explained but only witnessed.”

– Rachel Naomi

After a hurricane in South Africa in 2007. a displaced baby hippo found it’s way into the life of a Giant Male Tortoise. The phenomena was that the animals sought to create “family” and bonded. Tortoise adopted Hippo…..Love is amazing like that.

---

 

My Secret

What they thought is true, they are not mistaken.

I had neither the courage nor the strength for confrontations,

But now is the right time to face your opposition.

I know this may seem drastic, but such a necessary step

To wrestle my demons and deal with your judgment.

Someday even without my consent you may find out the truth,

But just like you I am also a man of integrity,

Both honor and nobility reside in me.

So with this, I prefer to tell you face to face.

I would rather that you hear my own words than rely on the possibility.

What I feel for you is not hearsay. It is in fact very real.

I am not the brother you want me to be,
not the partner in boyish antics.

Our fate was not solely sealed by friendship,
but of something more profound.

Never wanted to be just a companion,
I secretly aspired for something more.

My true motives have been suppressed,
carefully hiding my doting stares.

It may seem of me selfish, it was purely out of my control

I am not making excuses trickery was not my intention.

If after this, you decide to change and speak to me never again,

I would try to understand.

If you resolve to cut me off and remove me from your view,

I would attempt to comprehend.

If you choose to forget about me and remove my traces from your memory,

I would sadly accept my destiny.

The choice is yours completely, your verdict it is out of my hands.

I would step aside, honor you wish while regaining my dignity.

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

LOVE is amazing and splendid. It is full of differences and diversity. It is imperfect and flawed and so very perfect and flawless all at the same time, but regardless of the relationship, be it lovers, or parent-child, the relationship and the emotion is unconditional if its real. Be authentic and genuine and real. Be true to yourself, and be honest with those around you, because when you do, you are set free.

STAND UP STRONG!

 

 

 

Dear Mr. President……Sincerely, EVERYONE

 

The President
The White House
Washington, DC 20500

Dear Mr. President:

In February, you made a powerful statement about the law.

Invoking guarantees enshrined in the Constitution, you and the Attorney General determined that federal discrimination against gay and lesbian couples in marriage is unconstitutional. Thank you for taking a principled stance and an important step toward equal protection under the law for all Americans.

Today we ask you to take the next step and join the majority of Americans who support allowing loving and committed gay and lesbian couples to legally marry.

Mr. President, marriage matters. In law, in love, in life, marriage says “we are family” in a way that nothing else does. Marriage is the coming together of two lives, marked by a public promise of love and responsibility in front of friends and family. And marriage brings not only public respect and personal significance, but also a safety net of legal protections, rights, and responsibilities for which there is no substitute.

Like so many Americans, you have spoken of your personal journey toward support for the freedom to marry. You have talked about the gay and lesbian people in your life, their commitment to each other and care for their kids, and their families that aren’t so different from any other family.

We ask you now for your leadership on ending the exclusion of same-sex couples from marriage, an exclusion that harms millions of Americans each day. Whether to end discrimination in marriage is a question America has faced before, and faces again today. With so many Americans talking it through in heartfelt conversations, it is a question that calls for clarity from the President.

You can offer hope to millions of young gay and lesbian Americans who are facing discrimination. You can tell them that their future is bright, that they, too, will be able to grow up and marry the person that they love, that the pursuit of happiness truly belongs to all of us. You can put government on the side of those seeking to care for their loved ones, instead of those standing in their way. You can affirm that for all of us, gay or non-gay, love is love and commitment counts – and that we Americans should treat others as we all want to be treated.

Mr. President, the time to end exclusion from marriage is now. We ask you to complete your journey and join us and the majority of Americans who support the freedom to marry.

Sincerely,

Brendon Ayanbadejo
Julian Bond
Helen Fabela Chavez
Ellen & Portia DeGeneres
Jack Dorsey
Melissa Etheridge
Scott Fujita
David Geffen
Anne Hathaway
Chris Hughes & Sean Eldridge
Tony Kushner & Mark Harris
Jane Lynch & Lara Embry
Eric McCormack
Rev. Peter Morales
Mya
Sean Parker
Mark Pincus
Frank Selvaggi & Bill Shea
Martin Sheen
Rev. William Sinkford
Lily Tomlin & Jane Wagner
Zach Wahls
Rufus Wainwright
Evan Wolfson
Bob & Suzanne Wright

(http://www.freedomtomarry.org/pages/letter)

NEW YORK — Hollywood celebrities, Silicon Valley entrepreneurs, NFL stars, and business, clergy and civil rights leaders launched Freedom to Marry‘s “Say I Do” campaign today urging President Obama to support the freedom to marry for gay and lesbian couples.

“My wife and I were married in May of 2010, and I can say without a doubt that marriage matters,” Emmy Award winning actor Jane Lynch said. “As President Obama continues his journey toward recognizing our right to equal taxation, protection and dignity under the law, I encourage him to listen to gay and lesbian couples and families so he can better understand how marriage equality affects us all.”

Freedom to Marry’s “Say I Do” campaign kicks off with a letter to the president signed by a diverse set of VIPs and open to Americans from every walk of life to sign. The letter calls for “clarity from the President” and urges him to “join us and the majority of Americans who support the freedom to marry.”

The letter will be delivered to the White House by same-sex couples and families later this spring.

“Freedom to Marry is proud that such a diverse and talented group of people is joining us to ask the President to ‘Say I Do’ to loving, committed gay and lesbian couples who want to marry,” said Marc Solomon, National Campaign Director for Freedom to Marry.

“We appreciate the President’s journey towards supporting the freedom to marry and the concrete steps he’s taken along the way. Now we call on him to complete that journey on the side of fairness for gay and lesbian Americans and their families.”

Signers to the letter include actors Anne Hathaway, Jane Lynch, Eric McCormack, Martin Sheen and Lily Tomlin; television host Ellen DeGeneres and her wife Portia DeGeneres; musicians Melissa Etheridge, Mya, and Rufus Wainwright.

Also, high-tech entrepreneurs Jack Dorsey (creator of Twitter), Chris Hughes (co-founder of Facebook), Sean Parker (co-founder of Napster), and Mark Pincus (co-founder of Zynga); media/entertainment execs David Geffen (co-founder of Dreamworks SKG) and Bob Wright (former chairman and CEO of NBC Universal).

Also signing were NFL players Brendon Ayanbadejo and Scott Fujita; playwright Tony Kushner; civil rights icons Julian Bond, Chairman Emeritus, NAACP, and Helen Fabela Chavez (widow of Cesar Chavez and founder of Cesar E. Chavez Foundation); and the Rev. Peter Morales (president, Unitarian Universalist Association).

To see this article visit:http://sdgln.com/news/2011/03/14/hollywood-stars-silicon-valley-execs-nfl-stars-urge-president-support-gay-marriage

From this link you will be able to link through to sign the letter as well.

This blogger loves all the people coming together to STAND UP STRONG because these courageous people are making the world a better place for my child and so many LGBT kids like him!

 

 

I told my friends at school; I’m Gay. Now What? LGBT YOUTH COMING OUT

What happens when you come out to your friends in school?  Depends on the kid, but in  the big picture, there are a multitude of dynamics that affect this situation. Usually the first instinct is the straight kid thinking that now the gay kid is attracted to him/her! While not too far fetched in theory, unlikely in probability. Unfortunately the straight kid, no matter how close the relationship was or is before coming OUT, is going to go through 100 questions, assumptions, chaos and confusion in the span of less than 20 seconds. Rest assured that while he/she is on guard and is now looking at you as though you have two heads, horns and flames erupting from your mouth, there is going to be an awkward moment or two while everyone collects their wits!

You already know you are Gay, and you have come to some terms with it. You don’t need time to assimilate the information but your friend does. Take a step back  from your own personal feelings and communicate with calm. You need to remind them that nothing has changed about you in the few minutes or seconds it took to impart the information, you are still the same person they know and have been hanging out with.  They now know something far more intimate and life altering about you, but your sexual preference has nothing to do with the friendship, and does not define your character.  This conversation and experience requires taking great stock and inventory of yourself and assessing the value of the relationship, how you percieve yourself and the other person, and how they percieve you and what each of you benefits from the relationship. That is the key to any exchange between people.

Its a common idea that straight guys are wanted by gay guys, and therefore the relationship poses a threat. The probability and truth here is that the relationship didn’t change, there is likely to be no attraction and this only breeds contempt and fear unnecessarily.

Teenagers are subject to hormonal changes, chaos and confusion and anxiety that is all normally associated with being 13-20. They are emotionally painful years in which a child learns to navigate relationships that are not familial, and learns the meaning of intimacy, while at the same time assuming more responsibility in the world. Girls lose their minds and become uglier versions of themselves with alter egos that roll their eyes, stomp their feet, whine, fuss and carry on, and resemble something from The Exorcist such as head spinning and speaking in different tongues.  Boys grow secretive, solemn and spend increasing time alone or absorbed in their sports/activities. Music is introduced as a way of life and the genre and content of what they are listening to can set a mood. Both genders dissappear into an abyss commonly known as social media, social life and friends, never to be seen unless needing to be fed, or after a long sleep on the occassional Saturday or Sunday afternoon. Imagine going though these adolscent rituals with the complex understanding that your preference in relationships and partnerships is the taboo “same sex version”? This complicates the process and makes it even more difficult and in some cases seems hopeless and overwhelming without support.  The child who is fearful of coming out is the most homophobic and can be the cruelest. This is the kid that goes to extremes to appear straight and will do anything to keep up the appearances.  His communication is full of derogatory comments and insults, because he is protecting himself.  Or thinks he is…..

So there you are, you have blurted it out to someone important. You have told a friend and now anything can happen. Its frightening and unchartered territory, and comes with it possibility of social disorder, and becoming an outcast where social hierarchy and acceptance determine the enjoyment of school and life.

Stay real to the moment. Be honest be authentic and genuine and respect the other person regardless of the perception they may or may not have on you. Your strength in the situation is defined by how you carry yourself, and the method in the communication. Setting the example through your own communication, body language and tolerance (YES there MUST be tolerance for the straight person in this scenario) will set the tone moving forward. Keep in mind a gay teen can be more homophobic than anyone, because he is trying to behave as thought straight, afraid to come OUT.  In truth the gay factor has no more affect than the car you drive the way you spend your time, academic performance or music choices.  Helping your friends understand this, and move forward without costing you the friendship is the key to whole equation.

Strength is defined as having a mental power, force and vigor, establishing a moral power, firmness and courage.  It takes strength to stand up strong in what you believe in, and not bow down in shame. It takes infinite bravery to come OUT and the younger kids doing it today should be applauded with a standing ovation.

I have watched my son blossom as a person since coming OUT two years ago. I have seen him combat becoming a victim with greater strength than a man twice his age, taking control of his life and destiny and becoming a leader in his community. I have watched him take pride in who he is with a clarity and understanding that there is NOTHING wrong with him, and he is nothing short of perfect because as parents we STAND UP STRONG behind him and champion for him.  We open doors, seek solutions and educate him in how to go about living his life in full authenticity.

Words only hurt if you allow them to. In truth every person comes with a flaw or imperfection by social standards. Once upon a time, being a Jew was horrific, dirty and shameful. Millions of Jews were persecuted and murdered for the basic “crime” of being different and socially deemed inferior. Later Afro Americans fought for their rights of freedom and equality where once the drinking fountains and bathrooms were segregated.  Being Gay and OUT is the final frontier on bias, predjudice and equality.  Being Gay is not shameful, nor regrettable nor imperfect. Just as great leaders in history had to STAND UP STRONG to educate the masses and take up their cause to inspire change, so must we today, take a stand for the LGBT youth, and strengthen their foundation and authenticity by educating the masses.

Let’s Talk About it…..Gay or Straight, SEX isn’t ugly……

I have to be honest and state that I am not a huge GLEE fan. My sister and my son have a better time of bonding over this, than I do, and I recognize that it is simply a matter of taste. However, GLEE is a sensation, much like “FAME” of the 80’s and “American Idol” of the 90’s. Music speaks to us, imparts language and lessons and is a common thread that connects all of us. So it stands to reason that GLEE hits home with many, many fans and followers.

For a week Chase has been talking about GLEE and “this one is going to be all about sex”.  Sex is not a taboo subject in our home. I have never created a sentiment or ideal that the topic is dirty or embarrassing but instead have made a point to impress upon my children that my own education was slight and humiliating and led me to big decisions because of the consequences. Like drugs and alcohol, the topic is open forum, is never laughed at, nor frowned upon and is something that is natural. For crying out loud, EVERYONE DOES IT!

The idea of the appropriate time however, has always been left up to the children respectively. Our daughter for example, now 18, waited and weighed the decision for a long time. While her friends were losing their virginity, and taking her in tow to planned parenthood for tests, condoms and unfortunately to terminate unwanted pregnancies, our daughter was open, communicative and careful not to cross that benchmark until she was absolutely sure she was ready and clear about the imposed consequences of such a big, adult decision in life.

I have a distinct memory of being in the first day of freshman year of high school. The institution an all girls private high school, and the teachers Nuns. A little bitty woman in a habit came into the health class (A mandated 9th grade class) wielding her yard stick, and stood, all 5 feet nothing of her behind a podium, engaging the class with “My name is Sister X  and I will be teaching you about sex”.  I just about fell out of my chair, and could not contain the laughter that erupted from me.  It wasn’t until I raised my hand emphatically, and was called upon asking “excuse me, but on what experience and merit?” that I earned myself a pass to the Dean’s office and a week of detention.  A fond memory now, and not so fond for my parent’s I am sure.

I remember my parents discovery of my sexual activity was through the diary they “happened to find and read”.  Instead of clarifying the questions and or insights of a 14 year old girl, the discipline included humiliation and only served to shut me down in the communication. Let’s face it, in the 80’s your parents were raised in the 50’s and the standards of appropriate conduct included an enormous chasm between the generations.

Without a doubt there are parents everywhere, Moms and Dad’s alike, discussing over text, coolers, and Face book, the value or appropriate content of last night’s GLEE episode.  Confronting head on in script and music the sexuality of the teenager, the readiness of mind and spirit and maturity of the act, and reconciling the psyche at this age to ascertain preparedness for this huge step, GLEE writers took it all on. Abstinence, Lesbian Sex, Homosexuality, Defining sexual identity, and of course the associated inhibitions. Included in the story line was the idea that Gwyneth Paltrow’s character was cold and detached in the world of actual intimacy but was very well versed in SEX. Further was the message that intimacy is the romance and connection between two people and without the emotion, the act is unfulfilled. This in itself was astounding and worth applauding in this mother’s eyes.

What resonated for me, as I sat and watched with my child, a second time through (we recorded it) was the “sex talk” between the outwardly gay student and his father.  The body language, scene blocking and response was played remarkably well by this actor, because it is my experience that initially the child’s reaction to the conversation with the parent is resistance.  Cover the ears, “LALALALA” , “OMG PLEASE STOP TALKING” body language.

” When you’re ready, I want you to be able to do everything, but when you’re ready, I want you to use it as a way to connect to another person. Don’t throw yourself around like you don’t matter. Because you matter, Kurt.”

When our daughter apprised us of the fact that she had taken the step, my husband and I each took time with her to check in. We wanted to make sure that emotionally she was okay, and moreover that she had our support to talk about the emotional fall out and the changes to the dynamics of the relationship moving forward. We imparted to her the understanding that it should not now rule the basis of the relationship between herself and her partner and it should be an act that strengthened the relationship, and didn’t erode the relationship.

We have always taught our children that the act, on any level is intimate. Its built on trust and the ultimate gift of one human being to another is to share ALL of themselves with the partner. Our bodies are our temples. We come into the world naked and vulnerable and we go out naked and vulnerable and when we share our most secret private selves, we are naked and vulnerable.  Its ALL ABOUT TRUST.

We trust our kids to make good choices, because we live by example and honor and respect them. We don’t tell them stories of storks, and mythical conception. We don’t sugar coat the facts and we don’t romanticize the details. We are straight with them. We know through our own research of the LGBT angle on this, that the act is painful and difficult and we work hard to impart this to our son. At the same time, we work to keep communication open, without judgement and without criticism to ensure that the safety net we provide our kids is intact at all times and there is NOTHING they cannot share with us.

We are certain that our children find the idea of our intimacy  more horrifying than their own, because, let’s face it,
WE ARE OLD.   But we are never too old to relate to them.

I think the producers of GLEE took an enormous plunge into uncertain terrain to make their difference, and teach our kids collectively that its not an UGLY or TABOO topic…..Everyone does it.    In the end, it is simply about how and when and the emotional well being of our most precious resource. OUR CHILDREN.

 

 

BORN THIS WAY….Raising an LGBT TEEN

There is nothing easy or simple about raising a child who identifies with LGBT preferences. It doesn’t matter how open or adaptable you are. I knew from very early on that my youngest was different and had suspicions about his sexuality. He was, after all the boy who stole the peices of his sister’s “Pretty Pretty Princess” game just so he could wear all the pretty jewels and passed on balls and trucks in favor of playing “house” and dolls with his sister.

He has been his own person all along, and while he is a quiet warrior in his own way, still is finding his personal fortitude and strength. Chase is gay. This essentially translates to a greater affinity toward femininity, an interest in the things my daughter is interested in, such as fashion, style, color and music, and lacks interest in the masculine we know as socially acceptable. Sometimes I am surprised by the tones he takes or the words he chooses and moreover I am startled at myself for the things about him that cause me to pause.

When you look at your child, you see GIRL=PINK and BOY=BLUE. We are conditioned to the stereotypes of understanding that define the sexuality and gender of our kids. Standing up for a child in today’s world who is out and gay requires your own fortitude, because you never know how someone will assimilate the information, or how they will forever percieve you in the relationship moving forward.

I try to roll with it. I worry in truth. I worry that he won’t find real love. I worry that he won’t legally see marriage in his lifetime. I worry that he won’t have the beautiful experience of parenting. I worry that he will be the target of some cruel act by someone less tolerant and ignorant. I worry about acceptance of family toward him which in turn manifests to acceptance of self. I worry that he will find himself the victim of some horrible hate crime. I worry that I am damaging him. I worry that I am not doing enough to stand up for him.

I don’t, however, allow that to transcend into the relationship between us. I stand up. I fight back and I believe with all of my heart, that he has a primitive and basic right to real love and life in authenticity. Granted I gave him the life, but I was in truth only a vehicle and it is up to him to full fill the destiny before him and live his life in truth of who he is.

I do not believe that public displays of affection are acceptable and instead feel that there is a time and place for everything, but this would be the guidance I would offer regardless of who he is, straight or gay and the terms of the teen years with our daughter. But I do worry that I will come home one day to find him in an embrace with another man, and I am fearful I will react in a way that will damage him, if only because it is still foreign. I believe I would react this way if it were a woman too. I think this might have something to do with the parental concept that our babies are forever diaper bound!

There are challenges. There are painful moments in which, as a parent, your heart aches and you wish your child didn’t have to go through the “this” or “that”. Just a few weeks ago we faced a situation in which the musical cast at the high school targeted him for anti gay dressing room remarks. It wasn’t the remarks that made me angry I discovered,weeks later, but rather the knowledge that the offenders themselves are likely gay (I have EXCELLENT GAYDAR) and afraid to come out into the light, thus the cruelty was bred of homophobia.  You never want your child to hurt.

I work to be the parent in full support. My husband is an amazing mentor and father, and supports him to infinity and beyond. We champion for our children, all of them, and particularly this one. We push perserverence. We push tolerance. We push faith and patience and forgiveness and we find that we are constantly reminding him that he is perfect in the image of God. We believe this with all of our beings. Unfortunately, part of the struggle and hardship of raising this child or any LGBT child is assuring them that they are not spawn of the devil and they are not unloved or disliked by a higher power. We discover in this journey that many LGBT youth and adults are convinced that God, whatever that means to them, dismisses them, and therefore even entering a house of worship of any kind is disturbing and “uncomfortable”.

For this parent, this is a difficult part of raising my son. My faith is deep and while I don’t tout my religion or wear it like an armband, and I am not convinced that my children are damned to hell for eternity for not prescribing to the same belief, I am concerned that the lack of community and conviction in answering to a higher power will have irrevocable effects in this life, not the hereafter. I don’t want my child to feel that he is dirty, or damaged in any way. As a matter of fact I strive for the opposite. That they are each created unmistakably perfect, that there is not a single day that goes by that they do not make me proud and that they are the world to me, unconditionally.

I was not raised with the same principals. Interestingly, recently my daughter called when I was having a particularly bad day simply to tell me “Mom, you had a pretty bad mother, but I think that is what makes you such an amazing mother. You went to the other end to be sure not to repeat the same cycles and I love you”.  This was pivotal for me.

My family is my husband and my children. In that order. I realize and recognize that I am responsible for their assurances and their strength. I am responsible for their safety and their maturation, and while I know I will make mistakes and probably scar them in my own way, I know that I am doing the best I can for them and by them, and there is nothing I wouldn’t do to pave a better future for them.

Recently the kids brought me a video for a new release by Lady Gaga. I never really paid much attention before, however, as the radio plays the song with frequency and the world stops in my son’s life to sing it at the top of his lungs, I am reminded that I am on the right path baby…..

It doesn’t matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M
Just put your paws up
‘Cause you were born this way, baby

My mama told me when I was young
We’re all born superstars
She rolled my hair, put my lipstick on
In the glass of her boudoir

“There’s nothin’ wrong with lovin’ who you are”
She said, “‘Cause He made you perfect, babe”
“So hold your head up, girl and you you’ll go far,
Listen to me when I say”

I‘m beautiful in my way,
‘Cause God makes no mistakes
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don’t hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you’re set
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way
(Born this way)

Ooo, there ain’t no other way
Baby, I was born this way
Baby, I was born this way
(Born this way)
Ooo, there ain’t other way
Baby, I was born this way
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don’t be a drag, just be a queen
Don’t be a drag, just be a queen
Don’t be a drag, just be a queen
Don’t be!

Give yourself prudence and love your friends
Subway kid, rejoice the truth
In the religion of the insecure
I must be myself, respect my youth

A different lover is not a sin
Believe capital H-I-M (hey, hey, hey)
I love my life, I love this record and
Mi amore vole fe yah

I’m beautiful in my way,
‘Cause God makes no mistakes
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don’t hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you’re set
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Ooo, there ain’t no other way

Baby, I was born this way
Baby, I was born this way
(Born this way )
Ooo, there ain’t other way
Baby, I was born way
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way

( Queen ,
Don’t be , Queen )

Don’t be a drag, just be a queen
Whether you’re broke or evergreen
You’re black, white, beige, chola descent
You’re Lebanese, you’re orient
Whether life’s disabilities
Left you outcast, bullied or teased
Rejoice and love yourself today
‘Cause baby, you were born this way

No matter gay, straight or bi
lesbian, transgendered life
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born to survive
No matter black, white or beige
chola or orient made
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born to be brave

I’m beautiful in my way
‘Cause God makes no mistakes
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don’t hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you’re set
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way, yeah!

Ooo, there ain’t no other way
Baby, I was born this way
Baby, I was born this way
(Born this way )
Ooo, there ain’t other way
Baby, I was born this way
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way

I was born this way, hey!
I was born this way, hey!
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way, hey!

I was born this way, hey!
I was born this way, hey!
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way, hey!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hx4tlaQens

Why am I doing this?

I think I am not alone. I believe that like many others, my childhood, the challenges of the upbringing and the choices throughout my life have brought with it incredible sacrifice and amazing joy and through it all I have learned to stand up strong.

I used to find it peculiar when people were asked to describe me in one word, be it my child, my friends, my sister, or my husband, the word chosen is always “strong”.  I just thought I was living my life. I didn’t realize that the leaps and plunges I took along the road regardless of consequences would leave the indellible impression of strength and perserverance. Regardless, I recognize that my choices, right or “wrong” ( I hate words like “wrong” and  “failure”) brought upon consequences that would leave me making choices that would forever change and greatly impact the path of my personal life & journey.

One of my earliest memories is of being spanked at age 3 in the middle of the cul de sac in front of all the kids. It wasn’t until recently that I came to learn the whole story from my sister, 5 years older than I. It seems I had an”accident” and my father felt that it was “willful” of me to not acknowledge the need to use the bathroom.  Today we recognize that a recently potty trained child is prone to accidents, as they develop and any number of reasons can apply to the “why” in such an event. Today we would be appalled at the parents choice to take such a course of action in teaching a child the basic task to remember to use the toilet and raising a hand to the child would be the last option on our minds. I was deemed “willful” at a very early age, and have been told with repitition throughout my life “the only way to get control is to break your spirit”.  I have a long list of memories in which tormenting letters chalked full of “disappointment” and character assassinations were sent to me at school from my parents. I have a list of memories in which my parents took extreme psychological lengths to impart a message or teach something. I continue to be the target for them, because I am unbending in my beliefs and will not compromise my ethics and morals to meet their agenda’s and have spent a lifetime suffering their imposed isolation for the purpose of breaking my spirit and meeting their personal agenda’s. Countless holidays and birthdays spent alone without family for not agreeing. Isolation is psychological warfare and the purpose of which for them, CONTROL. Today I look back and wonder why on earth anyone would want to break someone’s spirit. At age 42 I came to understand that my upbringing was chalked full of psychological abuse and fallout, but was a key component to creating the woman I am today.  I have a long journey ahead, while  I sort through the relationship and find peace and forgiveness. What I know without a shadow of a doubt, is that God makes no mistakes, and he didn’t make one when creating me. Thus, the character, the traits and the spirit with which I live my life, my own code of conduct and choices, and ultimate morality is defined in HIS eyes, and while it may have been too much for my parents, or too difficult for them, in truth, there has never really been anything wrong with me. So, I try and work toward forgiveness, not for them, but for myself and finding peace within my restless heart and soul.

I have had a personal journey that some may recognize as their own, or in likeness and others would find unfathomable. I have had to make choices that I never imagined I would have to make, and I have had to champion for causes against relationships I never dreamt would make me choose. I have had incredible rewards through the experiences and I have had incredible pain. I work through the understanding that what I thought I knew and what is, are in diametric opposition and today I reconcile that I am okay just the way I am.

God gave me three miraculous gifts along the way. Darren, Paige and Chase. Each child comes with their own story, journey, challenges and hurdles and accomplishments, and each child lends themselves to the legacy that is me. I have never stood down. I have never accepted “Because I said so” and I have never succumb to the idea that respect is given by demand other than command. I have never been a hypocrite and I have never asked another to do anything I myself wouldn’t do first. I understand through personal experiences that the course of life has been about learning and making a difference on the world, and community. God gave me three indescribably perfect children, who make me proud every day in their own way, and bring a joy to the world that would otherwise be remiss. And it is through them that I stand up.

While I intend to focus on the youngest of the 3 here, it is likely that each will have their place. The fact is, each is significant in the story unfolding of who I am, and where I am going and the impact and difference I want to make on the world today moving forward.

My life has taught me that we are all created equal in the eyes of our maker. Whether you view that as Darwin’s evolution, you subscribe to traditional ideals of God, or Universe or Buddah. Life has taught me that “perfection” is by grand design of a greater power. “I stand for the power to change. I stand for the perfect day. I love until it hurts like crazy, and I hope for a hero to save me. I stand for the strange and lonely. I live for a better day. I don’t know if the sky is heaven, but I pray anyway”…..(Idina Menzel)

And so it is here that I begin, with vulnerability, and fear, caution and absolute faith, that by sharing it all, someone else will get strength out of it, and find a place to make their own positive impact. It is the paradigm shift in the idea that negative doesn’t have to return negative, but rather, can be redirected to create a positive. I strive for that. I strive to take the pain and hurt and create something amazing and beautiful out of it. Perhaps herein lies the bountiful word and adjective used to describe me……”.STRONG.”

So I dedicate this and all moving forward to my children, my sister and above all the man who loves me with relentless dedication, and reminds me that I have a message and story that should be shared and that my “strength” defines me.