Bullying, A Great Man’s Story……

I posted the bullying blog to a number of social networking sites, one in particular is a professional networking site, Linkedin.  I have had some dialoge with the members of the years, though no commentary so inspiring or of interest as the one that comes from Mr. Satori Agape from Reno, Nevada.

He and I share a number of groups, and relationships, and have crossed paths every here now and then, and he has always struck me as the ultimate peace keeper, a man who rises above it all, and turns the other cheek. I now know in greater detail why that is. In response to the BULLY Blog, and the address for the importance of using a voice, particularly in the LGBTQ communities, and the passion for the Human Rights Campaign, he sent me the following message I felt compelled and with his permission, now share with you.

Satori Agape • Good Day All.

Jessica Arent,
Wow!.. I would have never known. Within the LGBT community we have a chant or common mantra that is often brought up… Silence = Death. And I feel you have a very strong point brought up within your posting. Thank you for taking the time to share it and express your thoughts and feelings. I’ve had my experiences as well, but not to a severity that I’ve seen with yours or what others had endured.

I recall once growing up in elementary school, I was bullied by a kid who was older. One day my friends and I were playing dodge ball. Well the ball was thrown and I went after it. It happened that the same kid was nearby and he got to the ball first – he wasn’t playing the game. But he then told me that I had to kiss his sneakers – I knew that was wrong and something in me wouldn’t budge. Another friend of mine came over and nudged me to just do it — so I gave in and did it. As did my friend. The kid threw the ball back at us and we went back but I began crying.. and I couldn’t stop myself.. Recess ended and we went back into class, but I continued – the teacher eventually asked what happened and what was wrong.

I still couldn’t really communicate it threw my sobbing. Luckily my friend was able to but then he began to become overwhelmed with what happened and he started to cry too. The teacher eventually got that student into the class room and she forced him to do what he did to us… he had him kiss our sneakers. Then a girl in our class started to cry – it turns out it was her older brother.

The teacher (Mrs Hill) had contacted all parents to let them know what had happened. During the remainder of the day, she helped console both myself and my friend. That night my parents also helped to talk things out.

Anyways that was back then. — It’s interesting having to recall this as I remember another incident that happened.. Another kid during recess was calling me names and making fun of me. We all we’re playing a game.. I believe it was volleyball.. Anyways something in me snapped and I went after him and then started to hit him. I felt like a bull that saw red.. Looking back at this, I regret having done it. Regardless of the fact that I was just a kid then… I do know that around my early teens I started to self-recall events through my life and relive them. I didn’t seem to do it by reminiscing but moreso to go over what happened and also learn something. I learned that I didn’t have to give into my emotional passion at the time. But I did back then and I was learning… and sorry for what happened.

Later in life … in my mid to late teens, I was introduced to certain spiritual concepts and bodies of knowledge and soon realized I was aligned in many ways to it. One body of knowledge was the Toltec. Within this practice it speaks of “the petty tyrant”.. which I could see many having had encounters throughout my life.

After learning this I began working with that knowledge and was able to use the situation to my advantage — it taught me further skills in what was known as “Controlled Folly”… in my experience and opinion, is a technique whereby one learns to utilize skills and methods to unhinge ones emotional investment and importance of situations and circumstances. After which, we then “play” our actions and thoughts in impeccable ways to master the overall situation. Petty tyrants are much like a testing or proofing ground towards the self-mastery and learning of Toltec stalking techniques.

Good Journey,
Sincerely,
Satori.

About Satori Agape: Holistic Health Practitioner/Educator, Massage Therapist, Aromatherapist.- focused on the positive and life in harmony, Mr Satori is very involved in the Human Rights Campaign and promotes kindness and alternate solutions to crises matters.

I do this because it is a RIGHT not a PRIVILEGE …..

I am often asked why I do what I do. It’s simple really; I believe. I believe that I am no better nor worse than any other person, and we are all entitled to live our lives as we see fit. We each of us, feed an eco-system, and it is neither right nor wrong in how you choose to live your life.

I do this because I believe in my children. I believe that my son has the right to live his life in full joy and equality, and it is not for me or any other to determine where he finds true love, nor is it for me to judge. Like my other children under normal circumstances, I want my son to live his life to the fullest, having every imaginable benchmark and experience in full authenticity of who he is. Dating openly. Falling in love miraculously and openly. Getting engaged in celebration, openly. Getting married before God and Community, openly. Having children, experiencing the life cycle in all of its splendor, openly. Parenting as same sex parents, openly. Living life in full abundance of love and acceptance, openly.

So we sought ways to lead by example, and to take a stand by action for our belief’s and our dreams for our son. We have 3 amazing children, and 1 extraordinary story. We dream of holidays, and birthdays, with a long table surrounded by children, grandchildren, in-laws and outlaws! We dream of our children experiencing this extraordinary journey in full serendipitous splendor and abundant joy, and it is through our love and our commitment and support of their endeavor to each be genuine and authentic to themselves, and living their lives in the same way.

The first project was www.gayweddingmexico.com.  In March 2010, Mexico recognized lawfully the right to civil partnership in matrimony and same sex unions became nationally legal.  In allegiance to Mexico, www.gayweddingmexico.com launched on the web, and became the first Mexico Gay and Lesbian, Bi Sexual and Transgender resource for destination Weddings, travel and service for Mexico. Offering everything from private rock star villas in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico with all the bells and whistles to the quaint apartamento in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico, PROMESA, and www.gayweddingmexico.com sought to open the doors to extraordinary, creating a legacy for our son.

Following this project I launched STANDING UP STRONG, a blog that endeavors to share the journey of life with extraordinary circumstances. Highlighting the experience of raising an LGBT teen, and taking a stand as a parent to champion for the children, http://www.wordpress.STANDINGUPSTRONG.com empowers young kids, and adults alike to find personal strength, understanding, insight, forgiveness and humor to make a difference. To share the journey and rally for the underdog, we each have a story and something to share, that something could be the pivotal thing someone else needs to gather their own strength. Life takes endurance and strength, no matter who you are. I gather my strength because I know I make a difference every day, to someone, somewhere. I believe therein lies the meaning of it all. To teach one another creating evolution is the meaning of life.

We prepare now to launch another LGBT project that will reach millions eventually and create a stronger community for tomorrow. We are in the final stages of preparation and excited will issue an announcement for a launch in the very near future. We are making a difference each and every day for both the LGBT youth and adults, and future of the community.

I do this, because I am a mother of three extraordinary children. Each child is unique, each beautiful, each brilliant and exceptional, and each in right of living life in abundance and equality. I do not have a favorite child; I love them equally, and feel that they each should live their lives equally. It’s a right, not a privilege.

 

 

WHAT IS A BULLY?

What is a Bully?

 

When does it cease to be “kids will be kids” and becomes active bullying? Having been the victim of bullying in school, as early as elementary school, and as recently as a couple of years ago as an adult, in the work place, I am far too familiar with bullying and the various forms bullying can take.

So when is it officially “bullying”?

Well let’s break it down:

PHYSICAL BULLYING:

The most obvious and familiar is Physical Bullying. This involves bodily contact between aggressor and victim for the purpose of intimidation and control. The characteristics include kicking, punching, biting, hitting, scratching, wrestling until the victim is submissive and incapable of retaliation. Weapons are included in this, as they can be used to further the campaign against the victim and pose a threat of lethal force and further bodily harm.

VERBAL BULLYING: This pattern interfere’s with the healthy emotional state and development of another person. This is an onslaught of words that are demoralizing, involve name calling, suggests a character assassination, and can be more damaging than physical bullying because the emotional scars last a lifetime. The act of intimidating the victim to believing the words to be true regardless of how derogatory or far-fetched is the verbally abusive bully. During intense verbal abuse, the victim is dominated until submissive and as a result of the words used and now the victims imposed self perception can cause clinical depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. Despite the fact that it is the most common type of abuse, verbal abuse is generally not taken as seriously as other forms of abuse, because there is no visible proof. In my personal experience most recently I was the target of this bully. While the words were not ever said to me directly, instead in a passive aggressive attempt the bully intimidated, using work and hours as leverage, her subordinates in a hate campaign against me. Her words to others were hurtful, and contrived and I was therefore isolated and ultimately forced out of the company. While I tried to blow the whistle on my bully and illustrated through official company documentation that she was in fact orchestrating the campaign, I was “shooed away” and the matter was covered up and I was dismissed. In reality, whether direct or indirect, moderate to severe cases of verbal abuse (especially in which the victim is under constant attack) can be more detrimental to a person’s health than physical abuse.

Interestingly, studies show that verbal abuse starting from a young age contributes to inferiority complex, machismo attitudes, and other negative behaviors that plague many people into senior age.These instigate social challenges and outcasts or breeds bullies for the survival of the fittest.

 

CYBER BULLYING is the use of  Internet, cell phones or other devices to send or post text or images intended to hurt or embarrass another person. Cyber-bullying can be as simple as continuing to send e-mail to someone who has said they want no further contact with the sender, and continues however, cyber-bullying includes threats, sexual remarks, pejorative labels such as HATE SPEECH,  ganging up on victims by making them the subject of ridicule in forums, chat spaces, open social media platforms, tweeting, and posting false statements as fact aimed at humiliation. Cyber-bullies may disclose victims’ personal data (e.g. real name, address, or workplace/schools) at websites or forums or may pose as the identity of a victim for the purpose of publishing material in their name that defames or ridicules them. Some cyber-bullies may also send threatening and harassing emails and instant messages to the victims, while others in again, a passive aggressive manner, will post rumors or gossip and instigate others to dislike and gang up on the target. According to research, boys initiate mean online activity earlier than girls do. However, by middle school, girls are more likely to engage in cyber-bullying than boys do. Whether the bully is male or female, their purpose is to intentionally embarrass others, harass, intimidate, or make threats online to one another. This bullying occurs via email, text messaging, posts, videos, blogs, and micro and web sites.

Definition: emotional abuse or mental abuse, is a form of abuse characterized by a person subjecting or exposing another to behavior that may result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder. Such abuse is often associated with situations of power imbalance, such as abusive relationships, bullying, child abuse and in the workplace

 

There is a strong link between bullying and suicide, as suggested by recent bullying-related suicides in the US and several other countries. The statistics on bullying and suicide are alarming:

• Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in about 4400 deaths per year, according to the CDC. For every suicide among young people, there are at least 100 suicide attempts. Over 14 percent of high school students have considered suicide, and almost 7 percent have attempted it
• Bully victims are between 2 to 9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, according to studies by Yale University
• A study in Britain found that at least half of suicides among young people are related to bullying
• 10 to 14 year old girls may be at even higher risk for suicide, according to the study above
• According to statistics reported by ABC News, nearly 30 percent of students are either bullies or victims, and 160,000 kids stay home from school every day because of bullying.

 

There are resources to help you if you believe your child is being victimized. If you don’t Stand Up for your child who will?

 

http://www.pacer.org/bullying/

HISTORY OF PACER CENTER

When PACER was established in 1977, it began with one project: Parents Helping Parents. Then as now, PACER was staffed primarily by parents of children with disabilities dedicated to educating other parents and improving the lives of children with disabilities throughout Minnesota. With a small grant from the Minnesota Department of Education, PACER conducted a five-month pilot project and demonstrated the effectiveness of the “parents helping parents” model.   

Although today PACER offers more than 30 programs for parents, students, professionals and other parent organizations, the original philosophy of “parents helping parents” remains the foundation upon which PACER has grown. Whether addressing the issues of early childhood or assisting youth in making the transition from high school to work, parents on PACER’s staff share their experiences and their knowledge with others so that all Minnesota’s children with disabilities may have a better future.

A look at the past 30 years shows the commitment and some of the accomplishments of PACER friends, boards and other volunteers and staff who have worked hard to make a difference in the lives of children with disabilities and their families.

 

http://www.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/all/home/index.htm

GLSEN

GLSEN works with educators, policy makers, community leaders and students on the urgent need to address anti-LGBT behavior and bias in schools. GLSEN strives to protect students from bullying and harassment, to advance comprehensive safe schools laws and policies, to empower principals to make their schools safer, and to build the skills of educators to teach respect for all people.

http://www.welcomingschools.org/teachable-moments/

WELCOMING SCHOOLS

Teachable moments are opportunities to move one step closer to creating welcoming schools for all children and families.  Imagine scenarios like these:

• A student walks by your classroom and says, “That’s so gay!” to her friends.
• You overhear one student say to another, “How can he be your father? The color of his skin is so different than yours!”
• Your son asks you “What does gay mean?” while you sit down for dinner.
• “How could a mother give up her child?” asks a student during a discussion about adoption.     

Without forethought, these topics may catch us by surprise because they are not often discussed.  Practicing age-appropriate responses to students’ questions and reviewing the necessary terminology helps all of us take advantage of these teachable moments. With preparation, these moments can actually help us improve a school’s environment.

http://www.glbtqonlinehighschool.com/

GLBTQ ONLINE HIGH SCHOOL

Imagine a school where you can be you. Where your friends share similar experiences and similar questions. Where you can get a high quality education while receiving comprehensive support from adults and peers. Where all staff members genuinely want to work with you. Because of who you are. Even if you’re not sure.

Welcome to GLBTQ Online High School, the world’s first online high school specifically for glbtq youth. Our mission is to provide a safe and welcoming educational community that proides a high quality, comprehensive college-preparatory online high school experience for students who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender youth, or those questioning their sexuality or gender, and others.

http://www.youthline.ca/

LESBIAN GAY BI TRANS YOUTH LINE CANADA

The Lesbian Gay Bi Trans Youth Line is a toll-free service provided by youth for youth.  We’re here to offer support, information and referrals specific to your concerns.  We are here because we want to be there for you – to be part of your community.  We may not have lived your experiences exactly, but we can probably relate. We too, are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, two-spirit or queer.  

No question is too silly, no problem too serious.  We may not have all the answers, but we’re here to listen and we’ll do our best to help you find the resources you need.  We are sex positive and non-judgemental. We’re here to help youth who are 26 and under who live anywhere in Ontario.

 

 

 

 

http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

WE SAVE LIVES

THE TREVOR LIFELINE – 866-4-U-TREVOR  [U.S. CALLS ONLY]      

The Trevor Lifeline is the only nationwide, around-the-clock crisis and suicide prevention lifeline for LGBTQ youth. The Trevor Lifeline is a free and confidential service that offers hope and someone to talk to, 24/7. Each year, tens of thousands of calls are fielded from young people across the country. The Trevor Lifeline is accredited as an exemplary crisis intervention program by the American Association for Suicidology (AAS).

http://community.pflag.org/claimyourrights

PFLAG

Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is a national non-profit organization with over 200,000 members and supporters and over 500 affiliates in the United States. This vast grassroots network is cultivated, resourced and serviced by the PFLAG National Office, located in Washington, D.C., the national Board of Directors and 13 Regional Directors.

 

Standing Up Strong is dedicated to helping you to stand up strong for yourself and your child. We are committed to providing excellent resources and valuable information to help you make great choices for yourself and your child. Its a place where gathering your strength is encouraged and when you think you haven’t any strength, you find some encouragement to muster some. Strength comes with conviction of the heart.

Bullying hurts, no matter who you are or how old you are. Your strength is what will overcome the situation. Finding Strength in your Community who Genuinely Cares is invaluable.

 

 

MY SECRET……the Hippo and the Tortoise, a love story.

“Much of life can never be explained but only witnessed.”

– Rachel Naomi

After a hurricane in South Africa in 2007. a displaced baby hippo found it’s way into the life of a Giant Male Tortoise. The phenomena was that the animals sought to create “family” and bonded. Tortoise adopted Hippo…..Love is amazing like that.

---

 

My Secret

What they thought is true, they are not mistaken.

I had neither the courage nor the strength for confrontations,

But now is the right time to face your opposition.

I know this may seem drastic, but such a necessary step

To wrestle my demons and deal with your judgment.

Someday even without my consent you may find out the truth,

But just like you I am also a man of integrity,

Both honor and nobility reside in me.

So with this, I prefer to tell you face to face.

I would rather that you hear my own words than rely on the possibility.

What I feel for you is not hearsay. It is in fact very real.

I am not the brother you want me to be,
not the partner in boyish antics.

Our fate was not solely sealed by friendship,
but of something more profound.

Never wanted to be just a companion,
I secretly aspired for something more.

My true motives have been suppressed,
carefully hiding my doting stares.

It may seem of me selfish, it was purely out of my control

I am not making excuses trickery was not my intention.

If after this, you decide to change and speak to me never again,

I would try to understand.

If you resolve to cut me off and remove me from your view,

I would attempt to comprehend.

If you choose to forget about me and remove my traces from your memory,

I would sadly accept my destiny.

The choice is yours completely, your verdict it is out of my hands.

I would step aside, honor you wish while regaining my dignity.

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

LOVE is amazing and splendid. It is full of differences and diversity. It is imperfect and flawed and so very perfect and flawless all at the same time, but regardless of the relationship, be it lovers, or parent-child, the relationship and the emotion is unconditional if its real. Be authentic and genuine and real. Be true to yourself, and be honest with those around you, because when you do, you are set free.

STAND UP STRONG!

 

 

 

Dear Mr. President……Sincerely, EVERYONE

 

The President
The White House
Washington, DC 20500

Dear Mr. President:

In February, you made a powerful statement about the law.

Invoking guarantees enshrined in the Constitution, you and the Attorney General determined that federal discrimination against gay and lesbian couples in marriage is unconstitutional. Thank you for taking a principled stance and an important step toward equal protection under the law for all Americans.

Today we ask you to take the next step and join the majority of Americans who support allowing loving and committed gay and lesbian couples to legally marry.

Mr. President, marriage matters. In law, in love, in life, marriage says “we are family” in a way that nothing else does. Marriage is the coming together of two lives, marked by a public promise of love and responsibility in front of friends and family. And marriage brings not only public respect and personal significance, but also a safety net of legal protections, rights, and responsibilities for which there is no substitute.

Like so many Americans, you have spoken of your personal journey toward support for the freedom to marry. You have talked about the gay and lesbian people in your life, their commitment to each other and care for their kids, and their families that aren’t so different from any other family.

We ask you now for your leadership on ending the exclusion of same-sex couples from marriage, an exclusion that harms millions of Americans each day. Whether to end discrimination in marriage is a question America has faced before, and faces again today. With so many Americans talking it through in heartfelt conversations, it is a question that calls for clarity from the President.

You can offer hope to millions of young gay and lesbian Americans who are facing discrimination. You can tell them that their future is bright, that they, too, will be able to grow up and marry the person that they love, that the pursuit of happiness truly belongs to all of us. You can put government on the side of those seeking to care for their loved ones, instead of those standing in their way. You can affirm that for all of us, gay or non-gay, love is love and commitment counts – and that we Americans should treat others as we all want to be treated.

Mr. President, the time to end exclusion from marriage is now. We ask you to complete your journey and join us and the majority of Americans who support the freedom to marry.

Sincerely,

Brendon Ayanbadejo
Julian Bond
Helen Fabela Chavez
Ellen & Portia DeGeneres
Jack Dorsey
Melissa Etheridge
Scott Fujita
David Geffen
Anne Hathaway
Chris Hughes & Sean Eldridge
Tony Kushner & Mark Harris
Jane Lynch & Lara Embry
Eric McCormack
Rev. Peter Morales
Mya
Sean Parker
Mark Pincus
Frank Selvaggi & Bill Shea
Martin Sheen
Rev. William Sinkford
Lily Tomlin & Jane Wagner
Zach Wahls
Rufus Wainwright
Evan Wolfson
Bob & Suzanne Wright

(http://www.freedomtomarry.org/pages/letter)

NEW YORK — Hollywood celebrities, Silicon Valley entrepreneurs, NFL stars, and business, clergy and civil rights leaders launched Freedom to Marry‘s “Say I Do” campaign today urging President Obama to support the freedom to marry for gay and lesbian couples.

“My wife and I were married in May of 2010, and I can say without a doubt that marriage matters,” Emmy Award winning actor Jane Lynch said. “As President Obama continues his journey toward recognizing our right to equal taxation, protection and dignity under the law, I encourage him to listen to gay and lesbian couples and families so he can better understand how marriage equality affects us all.”

Freedom to Marry’s “Say I Do” campaign kicks off with a letter to the president signed by a diverse set of VIPs and open to Americans from every walk of life to sign. The letter calls for “clarity from the President” and urges him to “join us and the majority of Americans who support the freedom to marry.”

The letter will be delivered to the White House by same-sex couples and families later this spring.

“Freedom to Marry is proud that such a diverse and talented group of people is joining us to ask the President to ‘Say I Do’ to loving, committed gay and lesbian couples who want to marry,” said Marc Solomon, National Campaign Director for Freedom to Marry.

“We appreciate the President’s journey towards supporting the freedom to marry and the concrete steps he’s taken along the way. Now we call on him to complete that journey on the side of fairness for gay and lesbian Americans and their families.”

Signers to the letter include actors Anne Hathaway, Jane Lynch, Eric McCormack, Martin Sheen and Lily Tomlin; television host Ellen DeGeneres and her wife Portia DeGeneres; musicians Melissa Etheridge, Mya, and Rufus Wainwright.

Also, high-tech entrepreneurs Jack Dorsey (creator of Twitter), Chris Hughes (co-founder of Facebook), Sean Parker (co-founder of Napster), and Mark Pincus (co-founder of Zynga); media/entertainment execs David Geffen (co-founder of Dreamworks SKG) and Bob Wright (former chairman and CEO of NBC Universal).

Also signing were NFL players Brendon Ayanbadejo and Scott Fujita; playwright Tony Kushner; civil rights icons Julian Bond, Chairman Emeritus, NAACP, and Helen Fabela Chavez (widow of Cesar Chavez and founder of Cesar E. Chavez Foundation); and the Rev. Peter Morales (president, Unitarian Universalist Association).

To see this article visit:http://sdgln.com/news/2011/03/14/hollywood-stars-silicon-valley-execs-nfl-stars-urge-president-support-gay-marriage

From this link you will be able to link through to sign the letter as well.

This blogger loves all the people coming together to STAND UP STRONG because these courageous people are making the world a better place for my child and so many LGBT kids like him!

 

 

BORN THIS WAY….Raising an LGBT TEEN

There is nothing easy or simple about raising a child who identifies with LGBT preferences. It doesn’t matter how open or adaptable you are. I knew from very early on that my youngest was different and had suspicions about his sexuality. He was, after all the boy who stole the peices of his sister’s “Pretty Pretty Princess” game just so he could wear all the pretty jewels and passed on balls and trucks in favor of playing “house” and dolls with his sister.

He has been his own person all along, and while he is a quiet warrior in his own way, still is finding his personal fortitude and strength. Chase is gay. This essentially translates to a greater affinity toward femininity, an interest in the things my daughter is interested in, such as fashion, style, color and music, and lacks interest in the masculine we know as socially acceptable. Sometimes I am surprised by the tones he takes or the words he chooses and moreover I am startled at myself for the things about him that cause me to pause.

When you look at your child, you see GIRL=PINK and BOY=BLUE. We are conditioned to the stereotypes of understanding that define the sexuality and gender of our kids. Standing up for a child in today’s world who is out and gay requires your own fortitude, because you never know how someone will assimilate the information, or how they will forever percieve you in the relationship moving forward.

I try to roll with it. I worry in truth. I worry that he won’t find real love. I worry that he won’t legally see marriage in his lifetime. I worry that he won’t have the beautiful experience of parenting. I worry that he will be the target of some cruel act by someone less tolerant and ignorant. I worry about acceptance of family toward him which in turn manifests to acceptance of self. I worry that he will find himself the victim of some horrible hate crime. I worry that I am damaging him. I worry that I am not doing enough to stand up for him.

I don’t, however, allow that to transcend into the relationship between us. I stand up. I fight back and I believe with all of my heart, that he has a primitive and basic right to real love and life in authenticity. Granted I gave him the life, but I was in truth only a vehicle and it is up to him to full fill the destiny before him and live his life in truth of who he is.

I do not believe that public displays of affection are acceptable and instead feel that there is a time and place for everything, but this would be the guidance I would offer regardless of who he is, straight or gay and the terms of the teen years with our daughter. But I do worry that I will come home one day to find him in an embrace with another man, and I am fearful I will react in a way that will damage him, if only because it is still foreign. I believe I would react this way if it were a woman too. I think this might have something to do with the parental concept that our babies are forever diaper bound!

There are challenges. There are painful moments in which, as a parent, your heart aches and you wish your child didn’t have to go through the “this” or “that”. Just a few weeks ago we faced a situation in which the musical cast at the high school targeted him for anti gay dressing room remarks. It wasn’t the remarks that made me angry I discovered,weeks later, but rather the knowledge that the offenders themselves are likely gay (I have EXCELLENT GAYDAR) and afraid to come out into the light, thus the cruelty was bred of homophobia.  You never want your child to hurt.

I work to be the parent in full support. My husband is an amazing mentor and father, and supports him to infinity and beyond. We champion for our children, all of them, and particularly this one. We push perserverence. We push tolerance. We push faith and patience and forgiveness and we find that we are constantly reminding him that he is perfect in the image of God. We believe this with all of our beings. Unfortunately, part of the struggle and hardship of raising this child or any LGBT child is assuring them that they are not spawn of the devil and they are not unloved or disliked by a higher power. We discover in this journey that many LGBT youth and adults are convinced that God, whatever that means to them, dismisses them, and therefore even entering a house of worship of any kind is disturbing and “uncomfortable”.

For this parent, this is a difficult part of raising my son. My faith is deep and while I don’t tout my religion or wear it like an armband, and I am not convinced that my children are damned to hell for eternity for not prescribing to the same belief, I am concerned that the lack of community and conviction in answering to a higher power will have irrevocable effects in this life, not the hereafter. I don’t want my child to feel that he is dirty, or damaged in any way. As a matter of fact I strive for the opposite. That they are each created unmistakably perfect, that there is not a single day that goes by that they do not make me proud and that they are the world to me, unconditionally.

I was not raised with the same principals. Interestingly, recently my daughter called when I was having a particularly bad day simply to tell me “Mom, you had a pretty bad mother, but I think that is what makes you such an amazing mother. You went to the other end to be sure not to repeat the same cycles and I love you”.  This was pivotal for me.

My family is my husband and my children. In that order. I realize and recognize that I am responsible for their assurances and their strength. I am responsible for their safety and their maturation, and while I know I will make mistakes and probably scar them in my own way, I know that I am doing the best I can for them and by them, and there is nothing I wouldn’t do to pave a better future for them.

Recently the kids brought me a video for a new release by Lady Gaga. I never really paid much attention before, however, as the radio plays the song with frequency and the world stops in my son’s life to sing it at the top of his lungs, I am reminded that I am on the right path baby…..

It doesn’t matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M
Just put your paws up
‘Cause you were born this way, baby

My mama told me when I was young
We’re all born superstars
She rolled my hair, put my lipstick on
In the glass of her boudoir

“There’s nothin’ wrong with lovin’ who you are”
She said, “‘Cause He made you perfect, babe”
“So hold your head up, girl and you you’ll go far,
Listen to me when I say”

I‘m beautiful in my way,
‘Cause God makes no mistakes
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don’t hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you’re set
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way
(Born this way)

Ooo, there ain’t no other way
Baby, I was born this way
Baby, I was born this way
(Born this way)
Ooo, there ain’t other way
Baby, I was born this way
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don’t be a drag, just be a queen
Don’t be a drag, just be a queen
Don’t be a drag, just be a queen
Don’t be!

Give yourself prudence and love your friends
Subway kid, rejoice the truth
In the religion of the insecure
I must be myself, respect my youth

A different lover is not a sin
Believe capital H-I-M (hey, hey, hey)
I love my life, I love this record and
Mi amore vole fe yah

I’m beautiful in my way,
‘Cause God makes no mistakes
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don’t hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you’re set
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Ooo, there ain’t no other way

Baby, I was born this way
Baby, I was born this way
(Born this way )
Ooo, there ain’t other way
Baby, I was born way
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way

( Queen ,
Don’t be , Queen )

Don’t be a drag, just be a queen
Whether you’re broke or evergreen
You’re black, white, beige, chola descent
You’re Lebanese, you’re orient
Whether life’s disabilities
Left you outcast, bullied or teased
Rejoice and love yourself today
‘Cause baby, you were born this way

No matter gay, straight or bi
lesbian, transgendered life
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born to survive
No matter black, white or beige
chola or orient made
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born to be brave

I’m beautiful in my way
‘Cause God makes no mistakes
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don’t hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you’re set
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way, yeah!

Ooo, there ain’t no other way
Baby, I was born this way
Baby, I was born this way
(Born this way )
Ooo, there ain’t other way
Baby, I was born this way
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way

I was born this way, hey!
I was born this way, hey!
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way, hey!

I was born this way, hey!
I was born this way, hey!
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way, hey!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hx4tlaQens