I have to be honest and state that I am not a huge GLEE fan. My sister and my son have a better time of bonding over this, than I do, and I recognize that it is simply a matter of taste. However, GLEE is a sensation, much like “FAME” of the 80’s and “American Idol” of the 90’s. Music speaks to us, imparts language and lessons and is a common thread that connects all of us. So it stands to reason that GLEE hits home with many, many fans and followers.
For a week Chase has been talking about GLEE and “this one is going to be all about sex”. Sex is not a taboo subject in our home. I have never created a sentiment or ideal that the topic is dirty or embarrassing but instead have made a point to impress upon my children that my own education was slight and humiliating and led me to big decisions because of the consequences. Like drugs and alcohol, the topic is open forum, is never laughed at, nor frowned upon and is something that is natural. For crying out loud, EVERYONE DOES IT!
The idea of the appropriate time however, has always been left up to the children respectively. Our daughter for example, now 18, waited and weighed the decision for a long time. While her friends were losing their virginity, and taking her in tow to planned parenthood for tests, condoms and unfortunately to terminate unwanted pregnancies, our daughter was open, communicative and careful not to cross that benchmark until she was absolutely sure she was ready and clear about the imposed consequences of such a big, adult decision in life.
I have a distinct memory of being in the first day of freshman year of high school. The institution an all girls private high school, and the teachers Nuns. A little bitty woman in a habit came into the health class (A mandated 9th grade class) wielding her yard stick, and stood, all 5 feet nothing of her behind a podium, engaging the class with “My name is Sister X and I will be teaching you about sex”. I just about fell out of my chair, and could not contain the laughter that erupted from me. It wasn’t until I raised my hand emphatically, and was called upon asking “excuse me, but on what experience and merit?” that I earned myself a pass to the Dean’s office and a week of detention. A fond memory now, and not so fond for my parent’s I am sure.
I remember my parents discovery of my sexual activity was through the diary they “happened to find and read”. Instead of clarifying the questions and or insights of a 14 year old girl, the discipline included humiliation and only served to shut me down in the communication. Let’s face it, in the 80’s your parents were raised in the 50’s and the standards of appropriate conduct included an enormous chasm between the generations.
Without a doubt there are parents everywhere, Moms and Dad’s alike, discussing over text, coolers, and Face book, the value or appropriate content of last night’s GLEE episode. Confronting head on in script and music the sexuality of the teenager, the readiness of mind and spirit and maturity of the act, and reconciling the psyche at this age to ascertain preparedness for this huge step, GLEE writers took it all on. Abstinence, Lesbian Sex, Homosexuality, Defining sexual identity, and of course the associated inhibitions. Included in the story line was the idea that Gwyneth Paltrow’s character was cold and detached in the world of actual intimacy but was very well versed in SEX. Further was the message that intimacy is the romance and connection between two people and without the emotion, the act is unfulfilled. This in itself was astounding and worth applauding in this mother’s eyes.
What resonated for me, as I sat and watched with my child, a second time through (we recorded it) was the “sex talk” between the outwardly gay student and his father. The body language, scene blocking and response was played remarkably well by this actor, because it is my experience that initially the child’s reaction to the conversation with the parent is resistance. Cover the ears, “LALALALA” , “OMG PLEASE STOP TALKING” body language.
” When you’re ready, I want you to be able to do everything, but when you’re ready, I want you to use it as a way to connect to another person. Don’t throw yourself around like you don’t matter. Because you matter, Kurt.”
When our daughter apprised us of the fact that she had taken the step, my husband and I each took time with her to check in. We wanted to make sure that emotionally she was okay, and moreover that she had our support to talk about the emotional fall out and the changes to the dynamics of the relationship moving forward. We imparted to her the understanding that it should not now rule the basis of the relationship between herself and her partner and it should be an act that strengthened the relationship, and didn’t erode the relationship.
We have always taught our children that the act, on any level is intimate. Its built on trust and the ultimate gift of one human being to another is to share ALL of themselves with the partner. Our bodies are our temples. We come into the world naked and vulnerable and we go out naked and vulnerable and when we share our most secret private selves, we are naked and vulnerable. Its ALL ABOUT TRUST.
We trust our kids to make good choices, because we live by example and honor and respect them. We don’t tell them stories of storks, and mythical conception. We don’t sugar coat the facts and we don’t romanticize the details. We are straight with them. We know through our own research of the LGBT angle on this, that the act is painful and difficult and we work hard to impart this to our son. At the same time, we work to keep communication open, without judgement and without criticism to ensure that the safety net we provide our kids is intact at all times and there is NOTHING they cannot share with us.
We are certain that our children find the idea of our intimacy more horrifying than their own, because, let’s face it,
WE ARE OLD. But we are never too old to relate to them.
I think the producers of GLEE took an enormous plunge into uncertain terrain to make their difference, and teach our kids collectively that its not an UGLY or TABOO topic…..Everyone does it. In the end, it is simply about how and when and the emotional well being of our most precious resource. OUR CHILDREN.
Standing Up Strong 