PAIGE wins COLLEGE ELECTION by 104 VOTES BECAUSE SHE STANDS FOR WHAT IS RIGHT

When Paige was in High School she had the same dreams of every other girl her age, boyfriends, social engagements, popularity and acceptance. She didn’t look too far ahead into the future and she didn’t think beyond tomorrow. And frankly she frightened us.

When Paige hit her senior year, however, realizing the choices of the first three years of High School would affect her University options, she began to get serious and we saw a marked change begin to occur. She slowly emerged from the playful kid who took little to heart or seriously and began to grow into a culturally aware contributing member of society. 

This was her freshman year of College, and although she didn’t go to a State school or University, Paige did take on her first year at Junior College with a clear plan and objective and took on the drive to excel and succeed with a vengeance. She was clearly out to prove that although her past choices affected her ability to attend mainstream college as a freshman, she was not going to allow that to impact her mark on the world.

Recently Paige submit an article on her page of this blog WRITTEN PAIGE, in which she outlined an event that took place at a recent Senate meeting at her school, in which the current president stated that the comedy lineup for a fund raising event sponsoring their Gay Straight Alliance was “too gay”. Paige was astounded and angered and frustrated by the myopic if not limited perception of her classmate and was outraged at the implication that anything could be deemed “TOO GAY”.  Instead of lamenting the issue, and crying the blues about her leadership in school, Paige decided to take action and as a freshman took on the task of running for President for the upcoming fall.

Though her opponent took on smear tactics and negative campaigning iniatives to defeat her opponent, Paige did not succumb to such tactics in her own campaign, instead highlighted the positive and opted to promote herself and her values through change initiatives and listening to her student body needs. She ran a clean campaign and won by 104 votes.  Paige’s success was pivotal in her understanding of the power of positive, and the ability to make a difference through positive measures and communication.

Standing up can be scary. Taking on a fight or campaign in which we set ourselves apart, and often find ourselves combatting ignorance fear and hate, takes incredible courage and faith and while she may have doubted herself for a moment here or there, in truth she took it on with a vengeance and opted to evoke change and make a difference through the example she set in leadership. She didn’t have to smear her opponent or her opponents beliefs, she didn’t have to slander or intimidate her opponent, she simply had to stand up and stand strong for her own values and character and believe first and formost in herself and secondarily in the fundamental morality of equality and change.

No matter who you are, no matter what you stand for, as long as it is in sync with making positive change and reaching out to make a positive difference in your community and the world around you, anything is possible. STAND UP AND STAND STRONG

We don’t always get along, this daughter of mine and I, and often I make mistakes in raising her, but the one thing I am assured of is that for all of my “mistakes” and transgressions, I raised a leader, and a fighter and a survivor who knows the value of LIFE as a gift and the importance of FREEDOM to live life in full authenticity of who you are. I raised a daughter who knows that leadership is commanded and not demanded and making a difference and executing change is hard earned but the payoff is extraordinary. I raised a child who has become a young woman of exceptional value to her community and school and who brings absolute joy and a drive to succeed at all costs.

We are so VERY PROUD of you PAIGE! You will make a significant difference in your community, and you are leaving your own indelible mark on the world, and we could not be more joyous or proud of you than we are today, right here, and right now in this moment!

MY SECRET……the Hippo and the Tortoise, a love story.

“Much of life can never be explained but only witnessed.”

– Rachel Naomi

After a hurricane in South Africa in 2007. a displaced baby hippo found it’s way into the life of a Giant Male Tortoise. The phenomena was that the animals sought to create “family” and bonded. Tortoise adopted Hippo…..Love is amazing like that.

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My Secret

What they thought is true, they are not mistaken.

I had neither the courage nor the strength for confrontations,

But now is the right time to face your opposition.

I know this may seem drastic, but such a necessary step

To wrestle my demons and deal with your judgment.

Someday even without my consent you may find out the truth,

But just like you I am also a man of integrity,

Both honor and nobility reside in me.

So with this, I prefer to tell you face to face.

I would rather that you hear my own words than rely on the possibility.

What I feel for you is not hearsay. It is in fact very real.

I am not the brother you want me to be,
not the partner in boyish antics.

Our fate was not solely sealed by friendship,
but of something more profound.

Never wanted to be just a companion,
I secretly aspired for something more.

My true motives have been suppressed,
carefully hiding my doting stares.

It may seem of me selfish, it was purely out of my control

I am not making excuses trickery was not my intention.

If after this, you decide to change and speak to me never again,

I would try to understand.

If you resolve to cut me off and remove me from your view,

I would attempt to comprehend.

If you choose to forget about me and remove my traces from your memory,

I would sadly accept my destiny.

The choice is yours completely, your verdict it is out of my hands.

I would step aside, honor you wish while regaining my dignity.

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

LOVE is amazing and splendid. It is full of differences and diversity. It is imperfect and flawed and so very perfect and flawless all at the same time, but regardless of the relationship, be it lovers, or parent-child, the relationship and the emotion is unconditional if its real. Be authentic and genuine and real. Be true to yourself, and be honest with those around you, because when you do, you are set free.

STAND UP STRONG!

 

 

 

I told my friends at school; I’m Gay. Now What? LGBT YOUTH COMING OUT

What happens when you come out to your friends in school?  Depends on the kid, but in  the big picture, there are a multitude of dynamics that affect this situation. Usually the first instinct is the straight kid thinking that now the gay kid is attracted to him/her! While not too far fetched in theory, unlikely in probability. Unfortunately the straight kid, no matter how close the relationship was or is before coming OUT, is going to go through 100 questions, assumptions, chaos and confusion in the span of less than 20 seconds. Rest assured that while he/she is on guard and is now looking at you as though you have two heads, horns and flames erupting from your mouth, there is going to be an awkward moment or two while everyone collects their wits!

You already know you are Gay, and you have come to some terms with it. You don’t need time to assimilate the information but your friend does. Take a step back  from your own personal feelings and communicate with calm. You need to remind them that nothing has changed about you in the few minutes or seconds it took to impart the information, you are still the same person they know and have been hanging out with.  They now know something far more intimate and life altering about you, but your sexual preference has nothing to do with the friendship, and does not define your character.  This conversation and experience requires taking great stock and inventory of yourself and assessing the value of the relationship, how you percieve yourself and the other person, and how they percieve you and what each of you benefits from the relationship. That is the key to any exchange between people.

Its a common idea that straight guys are wanted by gay guys, and therefore the relationship poses a threat. The probability and truth here is that the relationship didn’t change, there is likely to be no attraction and this only breeds contempt and fear unnecessarily.

Teenagers are subject to hormonal changes, chaos and confusion and anxiety that is all normally associated with being 13-20. They are emotionally painful years in which a child learns to navigate relationships that are not familial, and learns the meaning of intimacy, while at the same time assuming more responsibility in the world. Girls lose their minds and become uglier versions of themselves with alter egos that roll their eyes, stomp their feet, whine, fuss and carry on, and resemble something from The Exorcist such as head spinning and speaking in different tongues.  Boys grow secretive, solemn and spend increasing time alone or absorbed in their sports/activities. Music is introduced as a way of life and the genre and content of what they are listening to can set a mood. Both genders dissappear into an abyss commonly known as social media, social life and friends, never to be seen unless needing to be fed, or after a long sleep on the occassional Saturday or Sunday afternoon. Imagine going though these adolscent rituals with the complex understanding that your preference in relationships and partnerships is the taboo “same sex version”? This complicates the process and makes it even more difficult and in some cases seems hopeless and overwhelming without support.  The child who is fearful of coming out is the most homophobic and can be the cruelest. This is the kid that goes to extremes to appear straight and will do anything to keep up the appearances.  His communication is full of derogatory comments and insults, because he is protecting himself.  Or thinks he is…..

So there you are, you have blurted it out to someone important. You have told a friend and now anything can happen. Its frightening and unchartered territory, and comes with it possibility of social disorder, and becoming an outcast where social hierarchy and acceptance determine the enjoyment of school and life.

Stay real to the moment. Be honest be authentic and genuine and respect the other person regardless of the perception they may or may not have on you. Your strength in the situation is defined by how you carry yourself, and the method in the communication. Setting the example through your own communication, body language and tolerance (YES there MUST be tolerance for the straight person in this scenario) will set the tone moving forward. Keep in mind a gay teen can be more homophobic than anyone, because he is trying to behave as thought straight, afraid to come OUT.  In truth the gay factor has no more affect than the car you drive the way you spend your time, academic performance or music choices.  Helping your friends understand this, and move forward without costing you the friendship is the key to whole equation.

Strength is defined as having a mental power, force and vigor, establishing a moral power, firmness and courage.  It takes strength to stand up strong in what you believe in, and not bow down in shame. It takes infinite bravery to come OUT and the younger kids doing it today should be applauded with a standing ovation.

I have watched my son blossom as a person since coming OUT two years ago. I have seen him combat becoming a victim with greater strength than a man twice his age, taking control of his life and destiny and becoming a leader in his community. I have watched him take pride in who he is with a clarity and understanding that there is NOTHING wrong with him, and he is nothing short of perfect because as parents we STAND UP STRONG behind him and champion for him.  We open doors, seek solutions and educate him in how to go about living his life in full authenticity.

Words only hurt if you allow them to. In truth every person comes with a flaw or imperfection by social standards. Once upon a time, being a Jew was horrific, dirty and shameful. Millions of Jews were persecuted and murdered for the basic “crime” of being different and socially deemed inferior. Later Afro Americans fought for their rights of freedom and equality where once the drinking fountains and bathrooms were segregated.  Being Gay and OUT is the final frontier on bias, predjudice and equality.  Being Gay is not shameful, nor regrettable nor imperfect. Just as great leaders in history had to STAND UP STRONG to educate the masses and take up their cause to inspire change, so must we today, take a stand for the LGBT youth, and strengthen their foundation and authenticity by educating the masses.

Let’s Talk About it…..Gay or Straight, SEX isn’t ugly……

I have to be honest and state that I am not a huge GLEE fan. My sister and my son have a better time of bonding over this, than I do, and I recognize that it is simply a matter of taste. However, GLEE is a sensation, much like “FAME” of the 80’s and “American Idol” of the 90’s. Music speaks to us, imparts language and lessons and is a common thread that connects all of us. So it stands to reason that GLEE hits home with many, many fans and followers.

For a week Chase has been talking about GLEE and “this one is going to be all about sex”.  Sex is not a taboo subject in our home. I have never created a sentiment or ideal that the topic is dirty or embarrassing but instead have made a point to impress upon my children that my own education was slight and humiliating and led me to big decisions because of the consequences. Like drugs and alcohol, the topic is open forum, is never laughed at, nor frowned upon and is something that is natural. For crying out loud, EVERYONE DOES IT!

The idea of the appropriate time however, has always been left up to the children respectively. Our daughter for example, now 18, waited and weighed the decision for a long time. While her friends were losing their virginity, and taking her in tow to planned parenthood for tests, condoms and unfortunately to terminate unwanted pregnancies, our daughter was open, communicative and careful not to cross that benchmark until she was absolutely sure she was ready and clear about the imposed consequences of such a big, adult decision in life.

I have a distinct memory of being in the first day of freshman year of high school. The institution an all girls private high school, and the teachers Nuns. A little bitty woman in a habit came into the health class (A mandated 9th grade class) wielding her yard stick, and stood, all 5 feet nothing of her behind a podium, engaging the class with “My name is Sister X  and I will be teaching you about sex”.  I just about fell out of my chair, and could not contain the laughter that erupted from me.  It wasn’t until I raised my hand emphatically, and was called upon asking “excuse me, but on what experience and merit?” that I earned myself a pass to the Dean’s office and a week of detention.  A fond memory now, and not so fond for my parent’s I am sure.

I remember my parents discovery of my sexual activity was through the diary they “happened to find and read”.  Instead of clarifying the questions and or insights of a 14 year old girl, the discipline included humiliation and only served to shut me down in the communication. Let’s face it, in the 80’s your parents were raised in the 50’s and the standards of appropriate conduct included an enormous chasm between the generations.

Without a doubt there are parents everywhere, Moms and Dad’s alike, discussing over text, coolers, and Face book, the value or appropriate content of last night’s GLEE episode.  Confronting head on in script and music the sexuality of the teenager, the readiness of mind and spirit and maturity of the act, and reconciling the psyche at this age to ascertain preparedness for this huge step, GLEE writers took it all on. Abstinence, Lesbian Sex, Homosexuality, Defining sexual identity, and of course the associated inhibitions. Included in the story line was the idea that Gwyneth Paltrow’s character was cold and detached in the world of actual intimacy but was very well versed in SEX. Further was the message that intimacy is the romance and connection between two people and without the emotion, the act is unfulfilled. This in itself was astounding and worth applauding in this mother’s eyes.

What resonated for me, as I sat and watched with my child, a second time through (we recorded it) was the “sex talk” between the outwardly gay student and his father.  The body language, scene blocking and response was played remarkably well by this actor, because it is my experience that initially the child’s reaction to the conversation with the parent is resistance.  Cover the ears, “LALALALA” , “OMG PLEASE STOP TALKING” body language.

” When you’re ready, I want you to be able to do everything, but when you’re ready, I want you to use it as a way to connect to another person. Don’t throw yourself around like you don’t matter. Because you matter, Kurt.”

When our daughter apprised us of the fact that she had taken the step, my husband and I each took time with her to check in. We wanted to make sure that emotionally she was okay, and moreover that she had our support to talk about the emotional fall out and the changes to the dynamics of the relationship moving forward. We imparted to her the understanding that it should not now rule the basis of the relationship between herself and her partner and it should be an act that strengthened the relationship, and didn’t erode the relationship.

We have always taught our children that the act, on any level is intimate. Its built on trust and the ultimate gift of one human being to another is to share ALL of themselves with the partner. Our bodies are our temples. We come into the world naked and vulnerable and we go out naked and vulnerable and when we share our most secret private selves, we are naked and vulnerable.  Its ALL ABOUT TRUST.

We trust our kids to make good choices, because we live by example and honor and respect them. We don’t tell them stories of storks, and mythical conception. We don’t sugar coat the facts and we don’t romanticize the details. We are straight with them. We know through our own research of the LGBT angle on this, that the act is painful and difficult and we work hard to impart this to our son. At the same time, we work to keep communication open, without judgement and without criticism to ensure that the safety net we provide our kids is intact at all times and there is NOTHING they cannot share with us.

We are certain that our children find the idea of our intimacy  more horrifying than their own, because, let’s face it,
WE ARE OLD.   But we are never too old to relate to them.

I think the producers of GLEE took an enormous plunge into uncertain terrain to make their difference, and teach our kids collectively that its not an UGLY or TABOO topic…..Everyone does it.    In the end, it is simply about how and when and the emotional well being of our most precious resource. OUR CHILDREN.

 

 

Why am I doing this?

I think I am not alone. I believe that like many others, my childhood, the challenges of the upbringing and the choices throughout my life have brought with it incredible sacrifice and amazing joy and through it all I have learned to stand up strong.

I used to find it peculiar when people were asked to describe me in one word, be it my child, my friends, my sister, or my husband, the word chosen is always “strong”.  I just thought I was living my life. I didn’t realize that the leaps and plunges I took along the road regardless of consequences would leave the indellible impression of strength and perserverance. Regardless, I recognize that my choices, right or “wrong” ( I hate words like “wrong” and  “failure”) brought upon consequences that would leave me making choices that would forever change and greatly impact the path of my personal life & journey.

One of my earliest memories is of being spanked at age 3 in the middle of the cul de sac in front of all the kids. It wasn’t until recently that I came to learn the whole story from my sister, 5 years older than I. It seems I had an”accident” and my father felt that it was “willful” of me to not acknowledge the need to use the bathroom.  Today we recognize that a recently potty trained child is prone to accidents, as they develop and any number of reasons can apply to the “why” in such an event. Today we would be appalled at the parents choice to take such a course of action in teaching a child the basic task to remember to use the toilet and raising a hand to the child would be the last option on our minds. I was deemed “willful” at a very early age, and have been told with repitition throughout my life “the only way to get control is to break your spirit”.  I have a long list of memories in which tormenting letters chalked full of “disappointment” and character assassinations were sent to me at school from my parents. I have a list of memories in which my parents took extreme psychological lengths to impart a message or teach something. I continue to be the target for them, because I am unbending in my beliefs and will not compromise my ethics and morals to meet their agenda’s and have spent a lifetime suffering their imposed isolation for the purpose of breaking my spirit and meeting their personal agenda’s. Countless holidays and birthdays spent alone without family for not agreeing. Isolation is psychological warfare and the purpose of which for them, CONTROL. Today I look back and wonder why on earth anyone would want to break someone’s spirit. At age 42 I came to understand that my upbringing was chalked full of psychological abuse and fallout, but was a key component to creating the woman I am today.  I have a long journey ahead, while  I sort through the relationship and find peace and forgiveness. What I know without a shadow of a doubt, is that God makes no mistakes, and he didn’t make one when creating me. Thus, the character, the traits and the spirit with which I live my life, my own code of conduct and choices, and ultimate morality is defined in HIS eyes, and while it may have been too much for my parents, or too difficult for them, in truth, there has never really been anything wrong with me. So, I try and work toward forgiveness, not for them, but for myself and finding peace within my restless heart and soul.

I have had a personal journey that some may recognize as their own, or in likeness and others would find unfathomable. I have had to make choices that I never imagined I would have to make, and I have had to champion for causes against relationships I never dreamt would make me choose. I have had incredible rewards through the experiences and I have had incredible pain. I work through the understanding that what I thought I knew and what is, are in diametric opposition and today I reconcile that I am okay just the way I am.

God gave me three miraculous gifts along the way. Darren, Paige and Chase. Each child comes with their own story, journey, challenges and hurdles and accomplishments, and each child lends themselves to the legacy that is me. I have never stood down. I have never accepted “Because I said so” and I have never succumb to the idea that respect is given by demand other than command. I have never been a hypocrite and I have never asked another to do anything I myself wouldn’t do first. I understand through personal experiences that the course of life has been about learning and making a difference on the world, and community. God gave me three indescribably perfect children, who make me proud every day in their own way, and bring a joy to the world that would otherwise be remiss. And it is through them that I stand up.

While I intend to focus on the youngest of the 3 here, it is likely that each will have their place. The fact is, each is significant in the story unfolding of who I am, and where I am going and the impact and difference I want to make on the world today moving forward.

My life has taught me that we are all created equal in the eyes of our maker. Whether you view that as Darwin’s evolution, you subscribe to traditional ideals of God, or Universe or Buddah. Life has taught me that “perfection” is by grand design of a greater power. “I stand for the power to change. I stand for the perfect day. I love until it hurts like crazy, and I hope for a hero to save me. I stand for the strange and lonely. I live for a better day. I don’t know if the sky is heaven, but I pray anyway”…..(Idina Menzel)

And so it is here that I begin, with vulnerability, and fear, caution and absolute faith, that by sharing it all, someone else will get strength out of it, and find a place to make their own positive impact. It is the paradigm shift in the idea that negative doesn’t have to return negative, but rather, can be redirected to create a positive. I strive for that. I strive to take the pain and hurt and create something amazing and beautiful out of it. Perhaps herein lies the bountiful word and adjective used to describe me……”.STRONG.”

So I dedicate this and all moving forward to my children, my sister and above all the man who loves me with relentless dedication, and reminds me that I have a message and story that should be shared and that my “strength” defines me.