Bullying, A Great Man’s Story……

I posted the bullying blog to a number of social networking sites, one in particular is a professional networking site, Linkedin.  I have had some dialoge with the members of the years, though no commentary so inspiring or of interest as the one that comes from Mr. Satori Agape from Reno, Nevada.

He and I share a number of groups, and relationships, and have crossed paths every here now and then, and he has always struck me as the ultimate peace keeper, a man who rises above it all, and turns the other cheek. I now know in greater detail why that is. In response to the BULLY Blog, and the address for the importance of using a voice, particularly in the LGBTQ communities, and the passion for the Human Rights Campaign, he sent me the following message I felt compelled and with his permission, now share with you.

Satori Agape • Good Day All.

Jessica Arent,
Wow!.. I would have never known. Within the LGBT community we have a chant or common mantra that is often brought up… Silence = Death. And I feel you have a very strong point brought up within your posting. Thank you for taking the time to share it and express your thoughts and feelings. I’ve had my experiences as well, but not to a severity that I’ve seen with yours or what others had endured.

I recall once growing up in elementary school, I was bullied by a kid who was older. One day my friends and I were playing dodge ball. Well the ball was thrown and I went after it. It happened that the same kid was nearby and he got to the ball first – he wasn’t playing the game. But he then told me that I had to kiss his sneakers – I knew that was wrong and something in me wouldn’t budge. Another friend of mine came over and nudged me to just do it — so I gave in and did it. As did my friend. The kid threw the ball back at us and we went back but I began crying.. and I couldn’t stop myself.. Recess ended and we went back into class, but I continued – the teacher eventually asked what happened and what was wrong.

I still couldn’t really communicate it threw my sobbing. Luckily my friend was able to but then he began to become overwhelmed with what happened and he started to cry too. The teacher eventually got that student into the class room and she forced him to do what he did to us… he had him kiss our sneakers. Then a girl in our class started to cry – it turns out it was her older brother.

The teacher (Mrs Hill) had contacted all parents to let them know what had happened. During the remainder of the day, she helped console both myself and my friend. That night my parents also helped to talk things out.

Anyways that was back then. — It’s interesting having to recall this as I remember another incident that happened.. Another kid during recess was calling me names and making fun of me. We all we’re playing a game.. I believe it was volleyball.. Anyways something in me snapped and I went after him and then started to hit him. I felt like a bull that saw red.. Looking back at this, I regret having done it. Regardless of the fact that I was just a kid then… I do know that around my early teens I started to self-recall events through my life and relive them. I didn’t seem to do it by reminiscing but moreso to go over what happened and also learn something. I learned that I didn’t have to give into my emotional passion at the time. But I did back then and I was learning… and sorry for what happened.

Later in life … in my mid to late teens, I was introduced to certain spiritual concepts and bodies of knowledge and soon realized I was aligned in many ways to it. One body of knowledge was the Toltec. Within this practice it speaks of “the petty tyrant”.. which I could see many having had encounters throughout my life.

After learning this I began working with that knowledge and was able to use the situation to my advantage — it taught me further skills in what was known as “Controlled Folly”… in my experience and opinion, is a technique whereby one learns to utilize skills and methods to unhinge ones emotional investment and importance of situations and circumstances. After which, we then “play” our actions and thoughts in impeccable ways to master the overall situation. Petty tyrants are much like a testing or proofing ground towards the self-mastery and learning of Toltec stalking techniques.

Good Journey,
Sincerely,
Satori.

About Satori Agape: Holistic Health Practitioner/Educator, Massage Therapist, Aromatherapist.- focused on the positive and life in harmony, Mr Satori is very involved in the Human Rights Campaign and promotes kindness and alternate solutions to crises matters.

Trans-gender, McDonald’s and two Teen Girls….a horrifying story, a life lesson for all

Two teen aged girls were arrested for violently attacking a transgender woman in a Rosedale, Maryland, McDonalds on April 18.

The incident occurred when 22-year-old Chrissy Lee Polis, who is transgender, tried to use the women’s restroom.

“They said, ‘That’s a dude, that’s a dude and she’s in the female bathroom,’ ” Polis told the Baltimore Sun in an interview yesterday. “They spit in my face.”

What happened next is detailed in a three minute clip, taped by a McDonald’s employee, that spread virally. The video garnered more than 500,000 views on one site alone.

According to the Baltimore Sun:

The video shows two females—one of them a 14-year-old girl—repeatedly kicking and punching Polis in the head as an employee and a patron try to intervene. Others can be heard laughing, and men are seen standing idly by.

Toward the end of the video, one of the suspects lands a punishing blow to the victim’s head, and a Polis appears to have a seizure. A man’s voice tells the woman to run because police are coming.

Stepping back from the employee’s actions, McDonald’s acknowledged the attack and issued a statement saying , “We are shocked by the video from a Baltimore franchised restaurant showing an assault. This incident is unacceptable, disturbing and troubling.

“McDonalds strives to be a safe, welcoming environment for everyone who visitsw. Nothing is more important to us than the safety of customers and employees in our restaurants. We are working with the franchisee and the local authorities to investigate this matter.”

On Saturday, franchise owner Mitchell McPherson echoed the national office’ssentiments stating “The crew member who made the video is no longer employed with my organization.”

Equality Maryland has called on Douglas F. Gansler, the state Attorney General, to step in and investigate the attack as a hate crime.

“As a community we remain horrified that transgender citizens are so vulnerable that they can be brutalized for simply walking down the street,”  Lisa Polyak, vice president of the board of directors for Equality Maryland, told reporters. “She was simply trying to use a public accommodation. People should not feel threatened when they exist in public spaces.

The incident occurred little more than a month after the Maryland Gender Identity Act failed to garner the necessary legislative support to enact protections for transgender residents in public accommodations.  A point, Polyak also raised in her talk with reporters.

“This is why we need a statewide law that prohibits discrimination on the basis of gender identity and gender expression. “

A vigil is being organized to address Polis’ attack as well as to call attention to the larger issue of violence against transgender individuals.

“Our primary concern is for Ms. Polis’ wellbeing. We support her through this difficult time and we ask that the legal process be unhampered and thorough,” TransMaryland spokeswoman Jenna Fischetti said.

“This is precisely the kind of hatred and bigotry that transgender women and men deal with on a daily basis,” Caroline Temmerand of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender Community Center of Baltimore and Central Maryland (GLCCB) said.

The vigil is being planned by Trans-United, TransMaryland, the Baltimore County for Equality and GLCCB. Members of the organizations and community supporters will gather at 7 pm in front of the McDonalds where Polis was attacked, which is at 6315 Kenwood Ave, in Rosedale.

GLAAD will continue to monitor this situation and provide media support for the LGBT community in Maryland.

J.Crew President paints toddler son’s toenails pink in Ad Campaign, Does it make him GAY???

In  my online travels today I fell over an upset from the VIEW about an ad campaign that seems to have every homophobe up in arms, and frankly, astounded me.

You cannot MAKE a child GAY. Let’s start there. The ad is of the president of a retail giant, J. Crew, affectionately and joyfully painting her 3 year old son’s toe’s pink in the new product line.   The ad is endearing, and clever and breaks barriers on gender specificity and ideals, suggesting that simple things in life are joyful.  It is not indicative that she is promoting homosexuality in her child.

This however is the consensus of the masses and the homophobes feild day! Fodder for chatter and negativity.

The truth is, every single 3 year old wants to do what he or she see’s their caregiver’s doing. Its grown up, its magical and its wonderful in the mind of a toddler and has nothing to do with sexuality. My ex-husband once accused me of “making” my son gay because I allowed him to play dress up with his sister and wear her clothes and play as a toddler. When they played together at 6 and 3 it was always “house” or “school” and involved the trappings of our lives including role play as “mommy” and “daddy” and “sister”.

What I find incredibly sad, is that as a nation we are consumed with proper role models, and family time and ties. We relentlessly rally for the children and working parents to get involved with one another and rather than focus on the positive of the advertising campaign, which is the working mother, president of a powerful retail corporation, bonding and spending one on one quality time with the child, the masses are up in arms about the “Gayness” of it? REALLY???? As though the ultimate sexual orientation of the child is truly anyone’s business or there might be a slight if not far fetched possibility that these bonding experiences will make him GAY? And if it were possible, what exactly IS THE PROBLEM??????

Our fundamental job as a parent is to nurture our children. Shewired.com posted the following to their site about the ad:” View cohost Sherri Shepherd says she understands why people are up in arms about a J. Crew newsletter featuring the brand’s creative director painting her son’s toenails pink, saying she would never paint her son’s nails.

“He’s a boy, he’s 3, he don’t need his toenails and fingernails painted,” Shepherd says.

She says her son Jeffrey has asked before if he could try on his mother’s makeup, but she says it’s because he is constantly surrounded by women. She says she tells her son the makeup is for mommy, not him.

Shepherd says she’s not concerned painting her son’s toenails might make him gay, she just doesn’t think it’s appropriate for boys to wear nail polish.”

Shepard might have a point. She is entitled to raise her child as she deems fit, and if pink nail polish does not fit into that plan, I respect that. I further respect that she went so far as to state it has nothing to do with fear of homosexuality.  On the other hand, the critics and uproar over this is astounding and frankly saddens this mom.

What does it matter who paints what? We tattoo. We pierce. The 80’s shook it all up when men started to seriously pierce their ears. Left was “right” and Right was “wrong” as in GAY=wrong.  Today, most men pierce both, because the distinction is 30 years old and no longer applies.  I have sat next to plenty of men at the Salon who came to get manicures and pedicures, from age 10 to 90, because it was “good grooming”.   Men have been buffing and polishing their nails for hundreds of years!  In the Chou Dynasty of 600 BC, Chinese royalty used gold and silver to enhance their nails. A 15th century Ming manuscript cites red and black as the colors chosen by royalty for centuries previous. The Incas decorated their fingernails with pictures of eagles. It is unclear how the practice of coloring nails progressed following these beginnings. Portraits from the 17th and 18th centuries include shiny nails. Men AND women! And as if that isn’t enough, Black has been a popular color of nail polish with goths, Emo and punks of all genders since the 1970s  for both men and women. Gene Simmons of the group KISS made this popular back in the 70’s, and Steven Tyler (Aerosmith) wore the same throughout his career.      

So, What is the BIG DEAL?

You cannot MAKE a child gay. Yes, the neon pink concept and the ad promotes a pan-gender concept to reflect that nail polish regardless of color does not signify anything other than someone’s sense of style and further, the kids TOES are painted, thus generally hidden by shoes under normal circumstances.  How MANY men and boys paint their toe’s that we never read or hear about, who are straight?  Mel Gibson painted his toes in the movie “What Women Want”, he was an ad-man. He also tried on a bra, pantyhose, shaved and waxed and took mascara for a test drive. His character was painfully straight, and was in no way GAY.

Get over it people, and move on with your lives. If you don’t like the ad, its okay, but for cryin out loud, let’s get busy worrying and focusing on something that REALLY matters like Obama’s budget findings and the present horrific and pathetic state of our country’s economy, instead of whether or not someone painting their child’s toes pink makes him Gay.  Honestly, WHO CARES?????

            

APRIL 15 is a day to STAND UP STRONG IN SILENCE!

INFO ABOUT THE DAY OF SILENCE
Sponsored by GLSEN, the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, the National Day of Silence is a day of action in which students across the country take some form of a vow of silence to call attention to the silencing effect of anti-LGBT bullying and harassment in schools. Through their activities students can speak out against harassment and organize for change for their schools and communities.

The Day of Silence is a Tool for Change. Organizing a Day of Silence (DOS) activity or event can be a positive tool for change-both personally and community-wide. By taking a vow of silence, you’re making a powerful statement about the important issue of anti-LGBT bullying. When you organize others to join you that message becomes louder and louder. You can use this attention as a building block in your plans for larger action. Find out more about the Day of Silence at the links below.

GLSEN is the nation’s leading education organization working to assure that each member of every school community is valued and respected regardless of sexual orientation, gender identity or gender expression. GLSEN has been the official sponsor of the National Day of Silence since 2001. Learn more at GLSEN.org .

Frequently Asked Questions
Have a question? Want to know more? Just check out answers to some common questions about the Day of Silence here.

Your Rights during the Day of Silence
While you DO have a right to participate in the Day of Silence between classes and before and after school, you may NOT have the right to stay silent during instructional time if a teacher requests for you to speak. According to Lambda Legal, “Under the Constitution, public schools must respect students’ right to free speech. The right to speak includes the right not to speak, as well as the right to wear buttons or T-shirts expressing support for a cause.”

However, this right to free speech doesn’t extend to classroom time. “If a teacher tells a student to answer a question during class, the student generally doesn’t have a constitutional right to refuse to answer.” We remind participants that students who talk with their teachers ahead of time are more likely to be able to remain silent during class.

Check out this document from Lambda Legal for legal questions about the Day of Silence. Lambda Legal also has an online help desk here for more information.

Legal Help: Report It!
If you think your rights are not being respected, or want to report your experience of resistant administration, go to dayofsilence.org/legalhelp. GLSEN and Lambda Legal will review your situation.

Four Truths about the Day of Silence
As the Day of Silence continues to grow, some people have confused the mission and goals of the Action. Clear up any misinformation by reading The Truth about the Day of Silence.

Days of Action Endorsers
These organizations have officially endorsed GLSEN’s Days of Action. To become a Days of Action Endorser, please download this letter. (PDF).

• Advocates for Youth
• American Civil Liberties Union LGBT & AIDS Project
• American Civil Liberties Union of Eastern Missouri
• Buckeye Region Anti-Violence Organization (BRAVO)
• District 202
• Empire State Pride Agenda
• Face to Face Health and Counseling Service
• FIERCE (NYC)
• Gay-Straight Alliance Network
• Good As You
• The LGBT Youth Space (A collaborative of Billy DeFrank and Family and Children Services)
• National Center for Lesbian Rights
• National Runaway Switchboard
• Rainbow Alley – GLBT Community Center of Colorado

Other questions? Join the conversation:

• Day of Silence on Facebook
• Day of Silence on Twitter
• Day of Silence Blog
• Day of Silence on Myspace

Or email us at info@dayofsilence.org.

 

LGBT KIDS, MEAN GIRLS AND TOO GAY????? WTH?

As I navigate this road I am astounded by the perspectives of those who are gay, those who are not, the kids and teens who identify and how they identify and find myself scratching my head with greater frequency.

I have been addressing an issue with my son and his “fit” in the local High School. Having recently transferred from California to Texas, and obviously a LGBT youth, I expected some issues but not the ones I find myself confronting and championing. While it is assumed that Texas, the Good Ole” Boys state would be the least likely place to encounter LGBT acceptance, the reality is, he is not being bullied or encountering issues with straight kids but instead with the other LGBT teens, of which this High School has many.

It seems that my son is deemed “too Gay”, ” too effeminate”, and simply put, discovering that socializing among his own community is proving difficult.  This was astounding to me and frankly preposterous.

“What the F%#@????!”   was my immediate response when I learned of the social hardships and unkindness.  I feel trapped in a scene from “Mean Girls” and ill-equipped to understand or make right a situation that is very, very wrong.  While I stood there listening to this young man (not mine) elaborate on the dis-likeable traits of my son, such as too girly, too feminine, too OUT and the justification that my son is living Gay as a lifestyle as opposed to this kid’s “character and personality trait” I found that for the first time I was speechless and dangerous all at the same time. A mother’s first instinct is to attack the aggressor ( frankly I wanted to haul this young man in front of a mirror and ask him if he preferred to be the POT or the Kettle today?) There he stood, with that Justin Bieber/Donald Trump comb-over no one ever imagined would be fashionable, in matching red t-shirt and red ked’s and freshly pressed skinny jeans and wondered if this kid really knew what he was saying?  I am discovering in this amazing OUT world through my child, that kids, regardless of sexual orientation, are just plain cruel.

So I ask the question, is there a difference between Gay and “Too Gay”?  What does that mean exactly?  Why would these kids not bond and form community choosing to be at odds instead, in this world of equality and defusing hate crimes and bullying?  Is that other child really convinced that he is “different” and in some way superior to my son? What is the sense behind “Character trait” vs “lifestyle”?

I see so much coming at me as a parent, and like all parents, worry, fret and stress over the happiness and childhood experiences of my children. Childhood should last as long as possible and be joyful and memorable and fun…..so when you think you have done right by your child, and you are helping him or her build their community and discover that even today in this world of equality and change that instead of bonding and becoming a force to be reckoned with, they are at odds and still unkind to one another for petty reasons such as the shirt they wear, the speech patterns or characteristics it makes a parent want to SCREAM!

I am at a loss on this one. I rally for the child, in the meantime, let him know that in the world there are the real and the superficial and the unkind everywhere, but there is also kind, real and genuine and finding those people are the gift of the everyday wonders of life……WHY was I not issued a manual when that stork dropped by???????

 

WHAT IS A BULLY?

What is a Bully?

 

When does it cease to be “kids will be kids” and becomes active bullying? Having been the victim of bullying in school, as early as elementary school, and as recently as a couple of years ago as an adult, in the work place, I am far too familiar with bullying and the various forms bullying can take.

So when is it officially “bullying”?

Well let’s break it down:

PHYSICAL BULLYING:

The most obvious and familiar is Physical Bullying. This involves bodily contact between aggressor and victim for the purpose of intimidation and control. The characteristics include kicking, punching, biting, hitting, scratching, wrestling until the victim is submissive and incapable of retaliation. Weapons are included in this, as they can be used to further the campaign against the victim and pose a threat of lethal force and further bodily harm.

VERBAL BULLYING: This pattern interfere’s with the healthy emotional state and development of another person. This is an onslaught of words that are demoralizing, involve name calling, suggests a character assassination, and can be more damaging than physical bullying because the emotional scars last a lifetime. The act of intimidating the victim to believing the words to be true regardless of how derogatory or far-fetched is the verbally abusive bully. During intense verbal abuse, the victim is dominated until submissive and as a result of the words used and now the victims imposed self perception can cause clinical depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. Despite the fact that it is the most common type of abuse, verbal abuse is generally not taken as seriously as other forms of abuse, because there is no visible proof. In my personal experience most recently I was the target of this bully. While the words were not ever said to me directly, instead in a passive aggressive attempt the bully intimidated, using work and hours as leverage, her subordinates in a hate campaign against me. Her words to others were hurtful, and contrived and I was therefore isolated and ultimately forced out of the company. While I tried to blow the whistle on my bully and illustrated through official company documentation that she was in fact orchestrating the campaign, I was “shooed away” and the matter was covered up and I was dismissed. In reality, whether direct or indirect, moderate to severe cases of verbal abuse (especially in which the victim is under constant attack) can be more detrimental to a person’s health than physical abuse.

Interestingly, studies show that verbal abuse starting from a young age contributes to inferiority complex, machismo attitudes, and other negative behaviors that plague many people into senior age.These instigate social challenges and outcasts or breeds bullies for the survival of the fittest.

 

CYBER BULLYING is the use of  Internet, cell phones or other devices to send or post text or images intended to hurt or embarrass another person. Cyber-bullying can be as simple as continuing to send e-mail to someone who has said they want no further contact with the sender, and continues however, cyber-bullying includes threats, sexual remarks, pejorative labels such as HATE SPEECH,  ganging up on victims by making them the subject of ridicule in forums, chat spaces, open social media platforms, tweeting, and posting false statements as fact aimed at humiliation. Cyber-bullies may disclose victims’ personal data (e.g. real name, address, or workplace/schools) at websites or forums or may pose as the identity of a victim for the purpose of publishing material in their name that defames or ridicules them. Some cyber-bullies may also send threatening and harassing emails and instant messages to the victims, while others in again, a passive aggressive manner, will post rumors or gossip and instigate others to dislike and gang up on the target. According to research, boys initiate mean online activity earlier than girls do. However, by middle school, girls are more likely to engage in cyber-bullying than boys do. Whether the bully is male or female, their purpose is to intentionally embarrass others, harass, intimidate, or make threats online to one another. This bullying occurs via email, text messaging, posts, videos, blogs, and micro and web sites.

Definition: emotional abuse or mental abuse, is a form of abuse characterized by a person subjecting or exposing another to behavior that may result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder. Such abuse is often associated with situations of power imbalance, such as abusive relationships, bullying, child abuse and in the workplace

 

There is a strong link between bullying and suicide, as suggested by recent bullying-related suicides in the US and several other countries. The statistics on bullying and suicide are alarming:

• Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in about 4400 deaths per year, according to the CDC. For every suicide among young people, there are at least 100 suicide attempts. Over 14 percent of high school students have considered suicide, and almost 7 percent have attempted it
• Bully victims are between 2 to 9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, according to studies by Yale University
• A study in Britain found that at least half of suicides among young people are related to bullying
• 10 to 14 year old girls may be at even higher risk for suicide, according to the study above
• According to statistics reported by ABC News, nearly 30 percent of students are either bullies or victims, and 160,000 kids stay home from school every day because of bullying.

 

There are resources to help you if you believe your child is being victimized. If you don’t Stand Up for your child who will?

 

http://www.pacer.org/bullying/

HISTORY OF PACER CENTER

When PACER was established in 1977, it began with one project: Parents Helping Parents. Then as now, PACER was staffed primarily by parents of children with disabilities dedicated to educating other parents and improving the lives of children with disabilities throughout Minnesota. With a small grant from the Minnesota Department of Education, PACER conducted a five-month pilot project and demonstrated the effectiveness of the “parents helping parents” model.   

Although today PACER offers more than 30 programs for parents, students, professionals and other parent organizations, the original philosophy of “parents helping parents” remains the foundation upon which PACER has grown. Whether addressing the issues of early childhood or assisting youth in making the transition from high school to work, parents on PACER’s staff share their experiences and their knowledge with others so that all Minnesota’s children with disabilities may have a better future.

A look at the past 30 years shows the commitment and some of the accomplishments of PACER friends, boards and other volunteers and staff who have worked hard to make a difference in the lives of children with disabilities and their families.

 

http://www.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/all/home/index.htm

GLSEN

GLSEN works with educators, policy makers, community leaders and students on the urgent need to address anti-LGBT behavior and bias in schools. GLSEN strives to protect students from bullying and harassment, to advance comprehensive safe schools laws and policies, to empower principals to make their schools safer, and to build the skills of educators to teach respect for all people.

http://www.welcomingschools.org/teachable-moments/

WELCOMING SCHOOLS

Teachable moments are opportunities to move one step closer to creating welcoming schools for all children and families.  Imagine scenarios like these:

• A student walks by your classroom and says, “That’s so gay!” to her friends.
• You overhear one student say to another, “How can he be your father? The color of his skin is so different than yours!”
• Your son asks you “What does gay mean?” while you sit down for dinner.
• “How could a mother give up her child?” asks a student during a discussion about adoption.     

Without forethought, these topics may catch us by surprise because they are not often discussed.  Practicing age-appropriate responses to students’ questions and reviewing the necessary terminology helps all of us take advantage of these teachable moments. With preparation, these moments can actually help us improve a school’s environment.

http://www.glbtqonlinehighschool.com/

GLBTQ ONLINE HIGH SCHOOL

Imagine a school where you can be you. Where your friends share similar experiences and similar questions. Where you can get a high quality education while receiving comprehensive support from adults and peers. Where all staff members genuinely want to work with you. Because of who you are. Even if you’re not sure.

Welcome to GLBTQ Online High School, the world’s first online high school specifically for glbtq youth. Our mission is to provide a safe and welcoming educational community that proides a high quality, comprehensive college-preparatory online high school experience for students who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender youth, or those questioning their sexuality or gender, and others.

http://www.youthline.ca/

LESBIAN GAY BI TRANS YOUTH LINE CANADA

The Lesbian Gay Bi Trans Youth Line is a toll-free service provided by youth for youth.  We’re here to offer support, information and referrals specific to your concerns.  We are here because we want to be there for you – to be part of your community.  We may not have lived your experiences exactly, but we can probably relate. We too, are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, two-spirit or queer.  

No question is too silly, no problem too serious.  We may not have all the answers, but we’re here to listen and we’ll do our best to help you find the resources you need.  We are sex positive and non-judgemental. We’re here to help youth who are 26 and under who live anywhere in Ontario.

 

 

 

 

http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

WE SAVE LIVES

THE TREVOR LIFELINE – 866-4-U-TREVOR  [U.S. CALLS ONLY]      

The Trevor Lifeline is the only nationwide, around-the-clock crisis and suicide prevention lifeline for LGBTQ youth. The Trevor Lifeline is a free and confidential service that offers hope and someone to talk to, 24/7. Each year, tens of thousands of calls are fielded from young people across the country. The Trevor Lifeline is accredited as an exemplary crisis intervention program by the American Association for Suicidology (AAS).

http://community.pflag.org/claimyourrights

PFLAG

Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is a national non-profit organization with over 200,000 members and supporters and over 500 affiliates in the United States. This vast grassroots network is cultivated, resourced and serviced by the PFLAG National Office, located in Washington, D.C., the national Board of Directors and 13 Regional Directors.

 

Standing Up Strong is dedicated to helping you to stand up strong for yourself and your child. We are committed to providing excellent resources and valuable information to help you make great choices for yourself and your child. Its a place where gathering your strength is encouraged and when you think you haven’t any strength, you find some encouragement to muster some. Strength comes with conviction of the heart.

Bullying hurts, no matter who you are or how old you are. Your strength is what will overcome the situation. Finding Strength in your Community who Genuinely Cares is invaluable.

 

 

MY SECRET……the Hippo and the Tortoise, a love story.

“Much of life can never be explained but only witnessed.”

– Rachel Naomi

After a hurricane in South Africa in 2007. a displaced baby hippo found it’s way into the life of a Giant Male Tortoise. The phenomena was that the animals sought to create “family” and bonded. Tortoise adopted Hippo…..Love is amazing like that.

---

 

My Secret

What they thought is true, they are not mistaken.

I had neither the courage nor the strength for confrontations,

But now is the right time to face your opposition.

I know this may seem drastic, but such a necessary step

To wrestle my demons and deal with your judgment.

Someday even without my consent you may find out the truth,

But just like you I am also a man of integrity,

Both honor and nobility reside in me.

So with this, I prefer to tell you face to face.

I would rather that you hear my own words than rely on the possibility.

What I feel for you is not hearsay. It is in fact very real.

I am not the brother you want me to be,
not the partner in boyish antics.

Our fate was not solely sealed by friendship,
but of something more profound.

Never wanted to be just a companion,
I secretly aspired for something more.

My true motives have been suppressed,
carefully hiding my doting stares.

It may seem of me selfish, it was purely out of my control

I am not making excuses trickery was not my intention.

If after this, you decide to change and speak to me never again,

I would try to understand.

If you resolve to cut me off and remove me from your view,

I would attempt to comprehend.

If you choose to forget about me and remove my traces from your memory,

I would sadly accept my destiny.

The choice is yours completely, your verdict it is out of my hands.

I would step aside, honor you wish while regaining my dignity.

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

LOVE is amazing and splendid. It is full of differences and diversity. It is imperfect and flawed and so very perfect and flawless all at the same time, but regardless of the relationship, be it lovers, or parent-child, the relationship and the emotion is unconditional if its real. Be authentic and genuine and real. Be true to yourself, and be honest with those around you, because when you do, you are set free.

STAND UP STRONG!

 

 

 

Dear Mr. President……Sincerely, EVERYONE

 

The President
The White House
Washington, DC 20500

Dear Mr. President:

In February, you made a powerful statement about the law.

Invoking guarantees enshrined in the Constitution, you and the Attorney General determined that federal discrimination against gay and lesbian couples in marriage is unconstitutional. Thank you for taking a principled stance and an important step toward equal protection under the law for all Americans.

Today we ask you to take the next step and join the majority of Americans who support allowing loving and committed gay and lesbian couples to legally marry.

Mr. President, marriage matters. In law, in love, in life, marriage says “we are family” in a way that nothing else does. Marriage is the coming together of two lives, marked by a public promise of love and responsibility in front of friends and family. And marriage brings not only public respect and personal significance, but also a safety net of legal protections, rights, and responsibilities for which there is no substitute.

Like so many Americans, you have spoken of your personal journey toward support for the freedom to marry. You have talked about the gay and lesbian people in your life, their commitment to each other and care for their kids, and their families that aren’t so different from any other family.

We ask you now for your leadership on ending the exclusion of same-sex couples from marriage, an exclusion that harms millions of Americans each day. Whether to end discrimination in marriage is a question America has faced before, and faces again today. With so many Americans talking it through in heartfelt conversations, it is a question that calls for clarity from the President.

You can offer hope to millions of young gay and lesbian Americans who are facing discrimination. You can tell them that their future is bright, that they, too, will be able to grow up and marry the person that they love, that the pursuit of happiness truly belongs to all of us. You can put government on the side of those seeking to care for their loved ones, instead of those standing in their way. You can affirm that for all of us, gay or non-gay, love is love and commitment counts – and that we Americans should treat others as we all want to be treated.

Mr. President, the time to end exclusion from marriage is now. We ask you to complete your journey and join us and the majority of Americans who support the freedom to marry.

Sincerely,

Brendon Ayanbadejo
Julian Bond
Helen Fabela Chavez
Ellen & Portia DeGeneres
Jack Dorsey
Melissa Etheridge
Scott Fujita
David Geffen
Anne Hathaway
Chris Hughes & Sean Eldridge
Tony Kushner & Mark Harris
Jane Lynch & Lara Embry
Eric McCormack
Rev. Peter Morales
Mya
Sean Parker
Mark Pincus
Frank Selvaggi & Bill Shea
Martin Sheen
Rev. William Sinkford
Lily Tomlin & Jane Wagner
Zach Wahls
Rufus Wainwright
Evan Wolfson
Bob & Suzanne Wright

(http://www.freedomtomarry.org/pages/letter)

NEW YORK — Hollywood celebrities, Silicon Valley entrepreneurs, NFL stars, and business, clergy and civil rights leaders launched Freedom to Marry‘s “Say I Do” campaign today urging President Obama to support the freedom to marry for gay and lesbian couples.

“My wife and I were married in May of 2010, and I can say without a doubt that marriage matters,” Emmy Award winning actor Jane Lynch said. “As President Obama continues his journey toward recognizing our right to equal taxation, protection and dignity under the law, I encourage him to listen to gay and lesbian couples and families so he can better understand how marriage equality affects us all.”

Freedom to Marry’s “Say I Do” campaign kicks off with a letter to the president signed by a diverse set of VIPs and open to Americans from every walk of life to sign. The letter calls for “clarity from the President” and urges him to “join us and the majority of Americans who support the freedom to marry.”

The letter will be delivered to the White House by same-sex couples and families later this spring.

“Freedom to Marry is proud that such a diverse and talented group of people is joining us to ask the President to ‘Say I Do’ to loving, committed gay and lesbian couples who want to marry,” said Marc Solomon, National Campaign Director for Freedom to Marry.

“We appreciate the President’s journey towards supporting the freedom to marry and the concrete steps he’s taken along the way. Now we call on him to complete that journey on the side of fairness for gay and lesbian Americans and their families.”

Signers to the letter include actors Anne Hathaway, Jane Lynch, Eric McCormack, Martin Sheen and Lily Tomlin; television host Ellen DeGeneres and her wife Portia DeGeneres; musicians Melissa Etheridge, Mya, and Rufus Wainwright.

Also, high-tech entrepreneurs Jack Dorsey (creator of Twitter), Chris Hughes (co-founder of Facebook), Sean Parker (co-founder of Napster), and Mark Pincus (co-founder of Zynga); media/entertainment execs David Geffen (co-founder of Dreamworks SKG) and Bob Wright (former chairman and CEO of NBC Universal).

Also signing were NFL players Brendon Ayanbadejo and Scott Fujita; playwright Tony Kushner; civil rights icons Julian Bond, Chairman Emeritus, NAACP, and Helen Fabela Chavez (widow of Cesar Chavez and founder of Cesar E. Chavez Foundation); and the Rev. Peter Morales (president, Unitarian Universalist Association).

To see this article visit:http://sdgln.com/news/2011/03/14/hollywood-stars-silicon-valley-execs-nfl-stars-urge-president-support-gay-marriage

From this link you will be able to link through to sign the letter as well.

This blogger loves all the people coming together to STAND UP STRONG because these courageous people are making the world a better place for my child and so many LGBT kids like him!

 

 

I told my friends at school; I’m Gay. Now What? LGBT YOUTH COMING OUT

What happens when you come out to your friends in school?  Depends on the kid, but in  the big picture, there are a multitude of dynamics that affect this situation. Usually the first instinct is the straight kid thinking that now the gay kid is attracted to him/her! While not too far fetched in theory, unlikely in probability. Unfortunately the straight kid, no matter how close the relationship was or is before coming OUT, is going to go through 100 questions, assumptions, chaos and confusion in the span of less than 20 seconds. Rest assured that while he/she is on guard and is now looking at you as though you have two heads, horns and flames erupting from your mouth, there is going to be an awkward moment or two while everyone collects their wits!

You already know you are Gay, and you have come to some terms with it. You don’t need time to assimilate the information but your friend does. Take a step back  from your own personal feelings and communicate with calm. You need to remind them that nothing has changed about you in the few minutes or seconds it took to impart the information, you are still the same person they know and have been hanging out with.  They now know something far more intimate and life altering about you, but your sexual preference has nothing to do with the friendship, and does not define your character.  This conversation and experience requires taking great stock and inventory of yourself and assessing the value of the relationship, how you percieve yourself and the other person, and how they percieve you and what each of you benefits from the relationship. That is the key to any exchange between people.

Its a common idea that straight guys are wanted by gay guys, and therefore the relationship poses a threat. The probability and truth here is that the relationship didn’t change, there is likely to be no attraction and this only breeds contempt and fear unnecessarily.

Teenagers are subject to hormonal changes, chaos and confusion and anxiety that is all normally associated with being 13-20. They are emotionally painful years in which a child learns to navigate relationships that are not familial, and learns the meaning of intimacy, while at the same time assuming more responsibility in the world. Girls lose their minds and become uglier versions of themselves with alter egos that roll their eyes, stomp their feet, whine, fuss and carry on, and resemble something from The Exorcist such as head spinning and speaking in different tongues.  Boys grow secretive, solemn and spend increasing time alone or absorbed in their sports/activities. Music is introduced as a way of life and the genre and content of what they are listening to can set a mood. Both genders dissappear into an abyss commonly known as social media, social life and friends, never to be seen unless needing to be fed, or after a long sleep on the occassional Saturday or Sunday afternoon. Imagine going though these adolscent rituals with the complex understanding that your preference in relationships and partnerships is the taboo “same sex version”? This complicates the process and makes it even more difficult and in some cases seems hopeless and overwhelming without support.  The child who is fearful of coming out is the most homophobic and can be the cruelest. This is the kid that goes to extremes to appear straight and will do anything to keep up the appearances.  His communication is full of derogatory comments and insults, because he is protecting himself.  Or thinks he is…..

So there you are, you have blurted it out to someone important. You have told a friend and now anything can happen. Its frightening and unchartered territory, and comes with it possibility of social disorder, and becoming an outcast where social hierarchy and acceptance determine the enjoyment of school and life.

Stay real to the moment. Be honest be authentic and genuine and respect the other person regardless of the perception they may or may not have on you. Your strength in the situation is defined by how you carry yourself, and the method in the communication. Setting the example through your own communication, body language and tolerance (YES there MUST be tolerance for the straight person in this scenario) will set the tone moving forward. Keep in mind a gay teen can be more homophobic than anyone, because he is trying to behave as thought straight, afraid to come OUT.  In truth the gay factor has no more affect than the car you drive the way you spend your time, academic performance or music choices.  Helping your friends understand this, and move forward without costing you the friendship is the key to whole equation.

Strength is defined as having a mental power, force and vigor, establishing a moral power, firmness and courage.  It takes strength to stand up strong in what you believe in, and not bow down in shame. It takes infinite bravery to come OUT and the younger kids doing it today should be applauded with a standing ovation.

I have watched my son blossom as a person since coming OUT two years ago. I have seen him combat becoming a victim with greater strength than a man twice his age, taking control of his life and destiny and becoming a leader in his community. I have watched him take pride in who he is with a clarity and understanding that there is NOTHING wrong with him, and he is nothing short of perfect because as parents we STAND UP STRONG behind him and champion for him.  We open doors, seek solutions and educate him in how to go about living his life in full authenticity.

Words only hurt if you allow them to. In truth every person comes with a flaw or imperfection by social standards. Once upon a time, being a Jew was horrific, dirty and shameful. Millions of Jews were persecuted and murdered for the basic “crime” of being different and socially deemed inferior. Later Afro Americans fought for their rights of freedom and equality where once the drinking fountains and bathrooms were segregated.  Being Gay and OUT is the final frontier on bias, predjudice and equality.  Being Gay is not shameful, nor regrettable nor imperfect. Just as great leaders in history had to STAND UP STRONG to educate the masses and take up their cause to inspire change, so must we today, take a stand for the LGBT youth, and strengthen their foundation and authenticity by educating the masses.

Let’s Talk About it…..Gay or Straight, SEX isn’t ugly……

I have to be honest and state that I am not a huge GLEE fan. My sister and my son have a better time of bonding over this, than I do, and I recognize that it is simply a matter of taste. However, GLEE is a sensation, much like “FAME” of the 80’s and “American Idol” of the 90’s. Music speaks to us, imparts language and lessons and is a common thread that connects all of us. So it stands to reason that GLEE hits home with many, many fans and followers.

For a week Chase has been talking about GLEE and “this one is going to be all about sex”.  Sex is not a taboo subject in our home. I have never created a sentiment or ideal that the topic is dirty or embarrassing but instead have made a point to impress upon my children that my own education was slight and humiliating and led me to big decisions because of the consequences. Like drugs and alcohol, the topic is open forum, is never laughed at, nor frowned upon and is something that is natural. For crying out loud, EVERYONE DOES IT!

The idea of the appropriate time however, has always been left up to the children respectively. Our daughter for example, now 18, waited and weighed the decision for a long time. While her friends were losing their virginity, and taking her in tow to planned parenthood for tests, condoms and unfortunately to terminate unwanted pregnancies, our daughter was open, communicative and careful not to cross that benchmark until she was absolutely sure she was ready and clear about the imposed consequences of such a big, adult decision in life.

I have a distinct memory of being in the first day of freshman year of high school. The institution an all girls private high school, and the teachers Nuns. A little bitty woman in a habit came into the health class (A mandated 9th grade class) wielding her yard stick, and stood, all 5 feet nothing of her behind a podium, engaging the class with “My name is Sister X  and I will be teaching you about sex”.  I just about fell out of my chair, and could not contain the laughter that erupted from me.  It wasn’t until I raised my hand emphatically, and was called upon asking “excuse me, but on what experience and merit?” that I earned myself a pass to the Dean’s office and a week of detention.  A fond memory now, and not so fond for my parent’s I am sure.

I remember my parents discovery of my sexual activity was through the diary they “happened to find and read”.  Instead of clarifying the questions and or insights of a 14 year old girl, the discipline included humiliation and only served to shut me down in the communication. Let’s face it, in the 80’s your parents were raised in the 50’s and the standards of appropriate conduct included an enormous chasm between the generations.

Without a doubt there are parents everywhere, Moms and Dad’s alike, discussing over text, coolers, and Face book, the value or appropriate content of last night’s GLEE episode.  Confronting head on in script and music the sexuality of the teenager, the readiness of mind and spirit and maturity of the act, and reconciling the psyche at this age to ascertain preparedness for this huge step, GLEE writers took it all on. Abstinence, Lesbian Sex, Homosexuality, Defining sexual identity, and of course the associated inhibitions. Included in the story line was the idea that Gwyneth Paltrow’s character was cold and detached in the world of actual intimacy but was very well versed in SEX. Further was the message that intimacy is the romance and connection between two people and without the emotion, the act is unfulfilled. This in itself was astounding and worth applauding in this mother’s eyes.

What resonated for me, as I sat and watched with my child, a second time through (we recorded it) was the “sex talk” between the outwardly gay student and his father.  The body language, scene blocking and response was played remarkably well by this actor, because it is my experience that initially the child’s reaction to the conversation with the parent is resistance.  Cover the ears, “LALALALA” , “OMG PLEASE STOP TALKING” body language.

” When you’re ready, I want you to be able to do everything, but when you’re ready, I want you to use it as a way to connect to another person. Don’t throw yourself around like you don’t matter. Because you matter, Kurt.”

When our daughter apprised us of the fact that she had taken the step, my husband and I each took time with her to check in. We wanted to make sure that emotionally she was okay, and moreover that she had our support to talk about the emotional fall out and the changes to the dynamics of the relationship moving forward. We imparted to her the understanding that it should not now rule the basis of the relationship between herself and her partner and it should be an act that strengthened the relationship, and didn’t erode the relationship.

We have always taught our children that the act, on any level is intimate. Its built on trust and the ultimate gift of one human being to another is to share ALL of themselves with the partner. Our bodies are our temples. We come into the world naked and vulnerable and we go out naked and vulnerable and when we share our most secret private selves, we are naked and vulnerable.  Its ALL ABOUT TRUST.

We trust our kids to make good choices, because we live by example and honor and respect them. We don’t tell them stories of storks, and mythical conception. We don’t sugar coat the facts and we don’t romanticize the details. We are straight with them. We know through our own research of the LGBT angle on this, that the act is painful and difficult and we work hard to impart this to our son. At the same time, we work to keep communication open, without judgement and without criticism to ensure that the safety net we provide our kids is intact at all times and there is NOTHING they cannot share with us.

We are certain that our children find the idea of our intimacy  more horrifying than their own, because, let’s face it,
WE ARE OLD.   But we are never too old to relate to them.

I think the producers of GLEE took an enormous plunge into uncertain terrain to make their difference, and teach our kids collectively that its not an UGLY or TABOO topic…..Everyone does it.    In the end, it is simply about how and when and the emotional well being of our most precious resource. OUR CHILDREN.