There is nothing easy or simple about raising a child who identifies with LGBT preferences. It doesn’t matter how open or adaptable you are. I knew from very early on that my youngest was different and had suspicions about his sexuality. He was, after all the boy who stole the peices of his sister’s “Pretty Pretty Princess” game just so he could wear all the pretty jewels and passed on balls and trucks in favor of playing “house” and dolls with his sister.
He has been his own person all along, and while he is a quiet warrior in his own way, still is finding his personal fortitude and strength. Chase is gay. This essentially translates to a greater affinity toward femininity, an interest in the things my daughter is interested in, such as fashion, style, color and music, and lacks interest in the masculine we know as socially acceptable. Sometimes I am surprised by the tones he takes or the words he chooses and moreover I am startled at myself for the things about him that cause me to pause.
When you look at your child, you see GIRL=PINK and BOY=BLUE. We are conditioned to the stereotypes of understanding that define the sexuality and gender of our kids. Standing up for a child in today’s world who is out and gay requires your own fortitude, because you never know how someone will assimilate the information, or how they will forever percieve you in the relationship moving forward.
I try to roll with it. I worry in truth. I worry that he won’t find real love. I worry that he won’t legally see marriage in his lifetime. I worry that he won’t have the beautiful experience of parenting. I worry that he will be the target of some cruel act by someone less tolerant and ignorant. I worry about acceptance of family toward him which in turn manifests to acceptance of self. I worry that he will find himself the victim of some horrible hate crime. I worry that I am damaging him. I worry that I am not doing enough to stand up for him.
I don’t, however, allow that to transcend into the relationship between us. I stand up. I fight back and I believe with all of my heart, that he has a primitive and basic right to real love and life in authenticity. Granted I gave him the life, but I was in truth only a vehicle and it is up to him to full fill the destiny before him and live his life in truth of who he is.
I do not believe that public displays of affection are acceptable and instead feel that there is a time and place for everything, but this would be the guidance I would offer regardless of who he is, straight or gay and the terms of the teen years with our daughter. But I do worry that I will come home one day to find him in an embrace with another man, and I am fearful I will react in a way that will damage him, if only because it is still foreign. I believe I would react this way if it were a woman too. I think this might have something to do with the parental concept that our babies are forever diaper bound!
There are challenges. There are painful moments in which, as a parent, your heart aches and you wish your child didn’t have to go through the “this” or “that”. Just a few weeks ago we faced a situation in which the musical cast at the high school targeted him for anti gay dressing room remarks. It wasn’t the remarks that made me angry I discovered,weeks later, but rather the knowledge that the offenders themselves are likely gay (I have EXCELLENT GAYDAR) and afraid to come out into the light, thus the cruelty was bred of homophobia. You never want your child to hurt.
I work to be the parent in full support. My husband is an amazing mentor and father, and supports him to infinity and beyond. We champion for our children, all of them, and particularly this one. We push perserverence. We push tolerance. We push faith and patience and forgiveness and we find that we are constantly reminding him that he is perfect in the image of God. We believe this with all of our beings. Unfortunately, part of the struggle and hardship of raising this child or any LGBT child is assuring them that they are not spawn of the devil and they are not unloved or disliked by a higher power. We discover in this journey that many LGBT youth and adults are convinced that God, whatever that means to them, dismisses them, and therefore even entering a house of worship of any kind is disturbing and “uncomfortable”.
For this parent, this is a difficult part of raising my son. My faith is deep and while I don’t tout my religion or wear it like an armband, and I am not convinced that my children are damned to hell for eternity for not prescribing to the same belief, I am concerned that the lack of community and conviction in answering to a higher power will have irrevocable effects in this life, not the hereafter. I don’t want my child to feel that he is dirty, or damaged in any way. As a matter of fact I strive for the opposite. That they are each created unmistakably perfect, that there is not a single day that goes by that they do not make me proud and that they are the world to me, unconditionally.
I was not raised with the same principals. Interestingly, recently my daughter called when I was having a particularly bad day simply to tell me “Mom, you had a pretty bad mother, but I think that is what makes you such an amazing mother. You went to the other end to be sure not to repeat the same cycles and I love you”. This was pivotal for me.
My family is my husband and my children. In that order. I realize and recognize that I am responsible for their assurances and their strength. I am responsible for their safety and their maturation, and while I know I will make mistakes and probably scar them in my own way, I know that I am doing the best I can for them and by them, and there is nothing I wouldn’t do to pave a better future for them.
Recently the kids brought me a video for a new release by Lady Gaga. I never really paid much attention before, however, as the radio plays the song with frequency and the world stops in my son’s life to sing it at the top of his lungs, I am reminded that I am on the right path baby…..
It doesn’t matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M
Just put your paws up
‘Cause you were born this way, baby
My mama told me when I was young
We’re all born superstars
She rolled my hair, put my lipstick on
In the glass of her boudoir
“There’s nothin’ wrong with lovin’ who you are”
She said, “‘Cause He made you perfect, babe”
“So hold your head up, girl and you you’ll go far,
Listen to me when I say”
I‘m beautiful in my way,
‘Cause God makes no mistakes
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way
Don’t hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you’re set
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way
(Born this way)
Ooo, there ain’t no other way
Baby, I was born this way
Baby, I was born this way
(Born this way)
Ooo, there ain’t other way
Baby, I was born this way
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way
Don’t be a drag, just be a queen
Don’t be a drag, just be a queen
Don’t be a drag, just be a queen
Don’t be!
Give yourself prudence and love your friends
Subway kid, rejoice the truth
In the religion of the insecure
I must be myself, respect my youth
A different lover is not a sin
Believe capital H-I-M (hey, hey, hey)
I love my life, I love this record and
Mi amore vole fe yah
I’m beautiful in my way,
‘Cause God makes no mistakes
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way
Don’t hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you’re set
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way
Ooo, there ain’t no other way
Baby, I was born this way
Baby, I was born this way
(Born this way )
Ooo, there ain’t other way
Baby, I was born way
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way
( Queen ,
Don’t be , Queen )
Don’t be a drag, just be a queen
Whether you’re broke or evergreen
You’re black, white, beige, chola descent
You’re Lebanese, you’re orient
Whether life’s disabilities
Left you outcast, bullied or teased
Rejoice and love yourself today
‘Cause baby, you were born this way
No matter gay, straight or bi
lesbian, transgendered life
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born to survive
No matter black, white or beige
chola or orient made
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born to be brave
I’m beautiful in my way
‘Cause God makes no mistakes
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way
Don’t hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you’re set
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way, yeah!
Ooo, there ain’t no other way
Baby, I was born this way
Baby, I was born this way
(Born this way )
Ooo, there ain’t other way
Baby, I was born this way
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way
I was born this way, hey!
I was born this way, hey!
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way, hey!
I was born this way, hey!
I was born this way, hey!
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way, hey!
Standing Up Strong 